If You Think this will End Well, You are Wrong

Bushes are comfortable. Any proper scrub could tell you that. However, Wiki was not pleased that she was currently having to hide in one. Shit, shit shit fuck and shit. Wiki had literally just gotten back onto mainland soil. Of course it would be just her luck that at her very first destination there was a god damn guard member standing outside it. She missed her humble abode, but there was no way she was going to remain off the mainland forever. As soon as she had managed to steal some kid's cloak in the dead of night she bought herself the next ticket and got the fuck off that cursed place. Cursed for a lot of reasons. ... ... most of them being the fact that Wiki had been staying there.

Navina, however, was on a mission. Not an assigned one, of course, but one she had undertaken on her own accord. Of course this wasn't an assignment. This place had been here for months, maybe even a year by now. Navina was tired of people's lives being shoved under the rug to just for her to deal with more bureaucracy. She sneered while thinking of all of the other more useless assignments she had been given instead of dealing with an actual, direct threat to the lives of people.

The Gerudo inhaled deeply before scanning the area around her. Although she had spent the majority of her trek here killing creatures, one could never be too careful, especially in scrub country. That's when she saw it, a rustling of the leaves of a bush. Her eyes narrowed.

"Show yourself!" Navina bellowed, her voice reverberating against the trees. She sounded uncharacteristically hostile, but she had every reason to be. Why would any civilized person hide in a bush? She drew her long sword, looking around for any more rustling of leaves or other signs of movement. Scum usually brought friends with them.

Wiki was not coming out of the bush. You couldn't pay he-- ok you know what the last time she started a sentence with those words she found herself passed out naked on the floor. Let's be honest, it wouldn't cost many rupees to convince Wiki to come out of the bush. Since the Gerudo was not offering her any rupees to come out of the bush, Wiki was staying in the fucking bush.

"Oh! OHHHHH MAN! It's ...th-that lady!" Guy was stumbling awkwardly over another Deku Scrub, by the name of Tent. Both of them were learning into each others' shoulders, holding each other up as either of them seemed to be constantly wobbling and tripping for no apparent reason. "Y-You know, Tent," his hand smeared over the man's mail, "Sh-she's pretty awright...Mang, y-you're pretty awright too!"

It became immediately obvious to all interested parties that the pair were both absolutely wasted. Apparently there was some nearby bar or pub from which they had emerged as both absolutely reeked of alcohol. Their clothes would probably still stink of booze from the remainder of the night, or so Tent has already assumed.

Suddenly seeing the woman Guy had pointed out, the lad in red exclaimed, "By Din's beauty! I dare say that Gerudo is as gorgeous as she is--*hic*--stunning! Wh-what... was her name? Blast it, sir, I bet she's cunning and capable as a scimitar!" Tent flinched slightly as she saw her abruptly glaring in his direction, "M-my apologies, madam! I-I have forgotten myself--*hic*--by quite a bit, actually..." His body stumbled backwards, until he fell out of Guy's arms, and the two abruptly collapses onto each other. Tent's hand abruptly jabbed a finger skyward, towards the moon, "Th-this pearl in the sky...! ...If I may say, t any in-in-interested party... cannot even compare to the beauty I have just beheld!"

Guy pushed off his comrade, onto his feet, "Aw... aw shaddup, man... Y-you know she's too good for us. With-with your luck, you'll end up with someone like... like you know..."

"...Your sister?"

"Sha... shaddup, mang," Guy's fist flopped lazily across the downed Deku's cheek. "She's a crazy, crazy bitch, mang, but she's still my sister! Don't talk 'bout--'bout Sienna like dat around me."

Tent pushed off the ground, grinning stupidly, "Nah--*hic*--sh-she's impressive in her own way. Y-you know I'm dedicated to Din, though. C-can't court women, I-I guess." Guy's gauntlets blocked Guy's playful jabs, "C-Careful, those--*hic*--those are a lot harder than they--*hic*--used to be...!"

Navina stared at the more than obviously intoxicated pair. There was no way she had ever encountered these two people in her entire life. She would have remembered if she had met this particular deku and... Deku like... rock... ... creature... Her face grew more and more red as she listened to them ramble in front of her. It wasn't apparent if her face was getting so flushed out of embarrassment or anger, but it was probably a mixture of both. Her body began to tremble and her lip curled.

Thankfully, the two drunkards fell onto their backs and the sound Navina snapped back into reality. She put away her sword and crossed her arms, her anger fading. At least one of them recognized the painful truth: she was definitely out of their league. Navina slowly reached into her bra and pulled out her ticket book. What other secret treasures did that mysterious thing hold?

"I'm going to have to write you up," she said, beginning to write them both a ticket. Good thing the pencil was stored inside of this thing and didn't poke her boobs in battle. "Public intoxication." She smiled a bit, not because she was joking but because she was servicing the law. Navina wasn't really paying attention to their conversation at this point, but put down her ticket book when a new voice entered the picture.

"Yeah! Shit!" screamed a bush. The bush sounded suspiciously hoarse and slightly screechy, and most definitely Charlie Day-eqsue. "Don't talk about your sister like that!"

"You!" Navina yelled at the bush, quickly putting away her ticket book and taking out her sword again. "Out!" These two had almost made her forget that there was probably some sort of criminal element slinking around in there. One that didn't sound drunk.

"...Let me think... Yeah, how about.. how about yeah no..."

"Di-didn't think the middle of the forest was 'pub-lik,' mang." Guy's hand motioned to the starry sky above them, laying on the flat of his back. "I-I mean... r-really, it's just you for s-some reason--why are you hear anyway, mang? ...and a talking bush or somethin'." He sat up, his glowing-orange eyes narrowing slightly, "I mean... y-you know, did you just expect us to stay in the bar all night...? They'd kick us out...!"

Tent pushed off the ground as well, and pulled Guy onto his arm, "S-sorry... *hic* ...o-officer..."

"N-nah, don't... don't apologize... mang. Th-these types... they get off on keeping us down, mang." Guy sighed, and slumped, "L-lemme tell you... I speak from experience. Wh-when you're among Hylians, everything you do is just... just wrong, mang. It's 'cause you and me, mang... we're Deku Scrubs. 'Dey dun like us, mang." Guy sighed again, flopping onto his back, "J-just... 'cause we're made o' wood..."

Tent watched him, silently, before helping him up again. He sighed, smiling earnestly, still in a drunken stupor himself.

"Sh-shut up... I know I'm not wood anymore." There was a hesitant, nervous look on his face, " ...C-careful, I'm getting riled up... m-might go all Guybrosian again... I'll try to cool down." His head perked up again, "Wh-wait... th-that loud... nasally... obnoxious voice... W-Wiki, is that you?! ...mang?"

Wiki cringed. God dammit Guy. ... Well it sounded like Guy, anyways, albeit super fucking drunk. Wiki had stopped looking outside the bush as soon as the Gerudo started yelling at it, since glowing yellow eyes usually gave away a hiding space. Wait a second.. 'I know I'm not wood anymore.' .. ?The Deku leaped out of the bush, and the Gerudo deepened her fighting stance. Wiki just stared. She didn't really care that there was a sword pointed in her direction. There was something else she was focusing on.

Wiki began to smirk, her entire body shaking. She was trying to hold back laughter, but it proved fruitless. The Deku started cackling. Holy shit. This was by the funniest thing Wiki had seen in a lonnnng fucking while. Wiki clutched at her sides, feeling pain from the amount of laughter that was escaping her. She fell to her knees. She couldn't take it. She rolled onto her side, her laughter never stopping. Her sides were absolutely in fucking orbit.

Navina just stared. This Deku had just jumped out of a bush and now was in a laughing fit. She put away her sword, as it didn't look like the more insane of the trio was about to attack her. However, she was happy she had been doing her flashcards. She knew the crazy looking one, wanted recently for arson and in the past for various other crimes. Her eyes narrowed and her heart began to race. Apprehending criminals was always such a rush. She glanced back at the tower. ... She didn't have time to apprehend someone right now, but she couldn't just let this Deku get away. Absolutely not. She glanced at the two intoxicated men in front of her and then back to the wanted criminal.

"... Listen, you two. It's not safe for you to be in this area intoxicated," Navina said, keeping her eyes on the one who was still in the middle of a laughing fit. "It has nothing to do with you being .. scrubs..." Navina hesitated, only because she wasn't really sure if the self proclaimed 'Guybrosian' counted as a deku scrub.

"Yeah, yeah fucking sure mate," Wiki said, finally picking herself off the ground. Her sides ached. What a good laugh. "I know how it is, look at any public record. Compared to our numbers in the general population the guard disproportionately arrests us." Wiki crossed her arms. It could also have been because her species was also disproportionately insane, but making a guard out to be a racist was always much more fun.

"If only because I have other business to attend to in that tower, I won't write you up," Navina said and shook her head. These scrubs were talking to her like she didn't face stereotypes for being a Gerudo. "It's still not safe for you to be here so intoxicated. I'm certain you have all heard the reports."

Wiki just rolled her eyes. Another case of Deku scrubs going batshit? Wow, it's fucking nothing.

"Meh. I knew it was Wiki, mang... She is such... a fukkin'... bitch, lemme tell you mang." Guy's entire body shuddered slightly, "I-is it getting warm in here... mang? Tent, you aren't casting some spell right?" The two exchanged uneasy glanced, before abruptly Guy's entire stone body burst into flames. In a matter of seconds, he had become a glowing, molten body of magma.

"Din's blazes, friend." Tent slapped his face into his palm, watching the Guyborisan between his fingers. "At least you're--*hic*--you're wearing boots this time. Even the goddess of flames surely couldn't approve of you starting a forest fire."

"Meh, it'll be fiiiiiine, mang..." Guy abruptly saunted over towards Wiki, his body dripping little pellets of molten rock. They hit the forest floor, hissing out bits of steam. He jabbed his red-hot finger in Wiki's face, "Y-you know... I didn't ask for this, mang. Just some douche turned me into this. Can't undo it." A twisted little grin grew across his face, "But at least I don't have to be afraid of your stupid fiery spells anymore. If anything, you should be afraid of this..." With a flick of his finger, a bit of lava flicked off his body and onto Wiki's black robes, singing them. He cackled to himself, "Mmmm... Scary, hm?"

"G-Guy," Tent mumbled uneasily, his brow furrowed. "Be careful... *hic*..."

"Y-yeah... yeah," Guy sighed, drawing away from Wiki. It took him a while to realize he would actually feel guilty if she went up in smoke, though he wouldn't admit that to her face. His body slow reverted back into cold stone, and his hair went from flickering flames back into its uncanny leafy-green. He cocked his head to one side, looking at her, then at Navina. All of a sudden, Guy finally realized Navina didn't seem to recognize him. Had it been that long? In any case, it had... problem been for the better. He glanced towards Tent, mumbling, "Sorry, mang."

Tent patted his friend on the back, "Nah... *hic* ...We should probably go get sobered up, anyway. I'm kinda surprised you can stay drunk even when you go all... 'Guybrosian.' You'd think that--*hic*--that booze would all burn up, or something."

Navina's eyes narrowed at the sudden burst of light, but they soon widened again. However, now that he had admitted that he used to be wooden... she was almost certain now that she recognized him, but it'd probably be best not to let him know that. .. But, this wasn't the description of the man she was looking for. Could she even bring him into the station with an appearance like this? It wouldn't match his wanted records, and some of the more ignorant of transformation magic higher ups were always giving her shit for it. Navina grimaced. This.. was really an unfortunate curse.

Wiki looked down at her newly acquired forest green cloak. He had singed a hole in it. She twitched. She twitched again. She was not going to lose another one of these. The amount of times she had lost her clo-- wait, just some random douche did this to Guy? She narrowed her eyes, her anger growing as she remembered past events. She suddenly looked back up at Guy and what she assumed was his friend, a wicked grin on her face.

"Get sobered up?" Wiki said, "Guy popped a mushroom into his mouth before we walked into a dungeon. Why would he want to be sober?" Her smile grew as she walked over to the pair. She really hoped they were drunk enough to misinterpret her malicious smile as a friendly one. "But hey, no hard feelings, eh?" She slapped the pair - hard - on the back, but before doing so she activated the sobriety spell she had learned especially for Guy.

Navina simply watched the scene unfold. She knew better to meddle in the personal dramas of scrubs.

"By... Din's very flames," Tent stared at Wiki abruptly, in slight awe. It was apparent to all involved that he was much more in control of himself than he was mere seconds ago. In his sobriety, he recognized this spell, but did not know its name. He straightened himself up, and dusted off his tunic, before returning to gaze upon Wiki with an impressed air. "Miss, you wouldn't perhaps happen to be a Sage of Nay--"

"No," Guy cut him off, abruptly looking rather stern. "Do not even ask that, Tent," he announced, flatly, "I can guarantee she is not a sage of any goddess you revere." In truth, he wondered how she did manage to learn that spell, whatever it was. It would certainly prove useful when was drunk in 'pub-lik', or consumed too many mushrooms. She did seem to imply it could negate that sort of high as well. Now that he was sobered up, he realized now wasn't the best of times to be drunk, anyway. The sting of being helped by this witch could only be soothed with the pain on her face when he told her, "Thanks for that, Wiki. It'll save me a hangover tomorrow." A smirk spread across his face. He chose to ignore the mushroom comment, for now. It was useless explaining its beneficial properties to someone has narrow-minded as her, let alone Navina.

Now that Guy had a clear head, he glanced at Navina again. If she was actually looking for him, there was no way she wouldn't be able to recognize him as he was. To a Hylian's color-focused eyes, he was barely even a different shade of brown, and there weren't exactly many little brown midgets wandering around with a giant scarf and three feet of leafy hair. "Good to see you again, Navina," he offered with a slight nod. "We were on our way back to Tent's outpost, but... I suppose we aren't drunk anymore, thanks to the efforts of this girl. Sorry about that."

Guy watched the guardswoman intently, but tried not to show it. Even if she wanted to arrest him, he knew from experience one woman without supernatural abilities would have an extremely hard time arresting someone that could propel in any direction in the blink of an eye, much less run on walls and shoot blinding Deku Nuts at will. The fact he could turn into a flaming monster probably meant she didn't want to touch him, anyway.

"In any case," Tent drew back his attention, "I'm glad we were saved from further embarrassment. Needless to say it's rather... shameful... to be inebriated around serious, sober folks." His eyes moved towards this Navina woman, "It... seems you have both met my friend before. My name is Tent Emberwood, and I consider myself a devotee of Din." He took a slight bow.

Tent continued, "I believe you are... Wikitoria Levett... my friend has mentioned you before." His voice was a bit touchy, as if he was handling a lit bomb with his words. He became a bit more open as he looked up towards the knight, however, "You are Navina, I just heard, correct? Are you on duty?" He smiled, slightly, "I'm unsure if you do as well, but I frequently roam these parts... and... can be useful for various tasks." He plopped his helmet back onto his head, "Is there... any particular reason you would be out here so late?"

Guy rolled his eyes. Was he actually trying to flirt with her? 'Let's go kill monsters,' sounds more like a date with Sienna. He shuddered at the thought, then abruptly glared at Wiki again. She was probably fantasizing about Sienna right now, the sick freak. Even if it wasn't for that, Guy didn't even need a good reason to glare at Wiki--just because she was there, and he did not even begin to trust her not to be up to something. Why were she and Navina both here at the same time, anyway? It was... suspicious, to say the least...

"Hey," Wiki snapped. "For all you know I face the west and pray seventy two times every night before sleeping." Wiki grinned, but only because the thought of her actually praying was incredibly amusing.

"... Or course. It's good to see you as well, Guy," Navina said, any previous warmness she had shown him in the past was gone, replaced with solid indifference. "I see you've been... Busy." she frowned, looking over his rock like skin again. There was no way she could apprehend this one without catching him off guard. Either way, it would have to wait.

Wiki's eyes narrowed at Guy before she spoke. "Just be happy I decided to learn the spell that didn't make you vomit out your insides and shit your pants to achieve sobriety." .. To be fair, part of the reason was because she couldn't find it, but that was beside the point. Plus if she ever got dosed without her knowledge she also was not interested in bleeding eyeballs or shitting herself to get sober. Fuck that. She shot a dirty look towards Tent when he addressed her by her full name. She had literally just met this man and he had managed to already piss her off.

"Wiki, it's Wiki," she growled, glancing at the guard. Of course Guy would use her full fucking name while talking about her behind her back. Piece of shit. "And whatever you've heard about me from this prick is probably wrong. He's just butthurt because I fucked his sister." Wiki wished. Wiki really wished.

Navina straightened her back before addressing Tent. "I'm always on duty, Sir," she said, an air of superiority in her voice. Wiki rolled her eyes as Navina continued to speak. "But if you are asking if I am on assignment, then no. This is not a guard sanctioned excursion." she smiled warmly at Tent. At least this criminal kept polite company. "I'm here to stop whatever evil lurks in that tower. I don't suppose your skills include combat?" Navina firmly believed in the phrase keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If she could convince these three to assist her in the tower, there was no doubt that at least one deku was going home in handcuffs. She offered a small smile to Guy and Wiki as well. "I would welcome any and all assistance." Navina's worst nightmare, exploring a dungeon with three scrubs and two confirmed criminals. Great.

Wiki grumbled. She hadn't planned on having to deal with Commander Tits-Ass-n-Nose, Dim Din, and Gay. But its not like Wiki was good at combat anyways. She probably would be a lot less likely to die in a group than alone.

"Wiki, then," Tent quietly corrected himself. He always assumed it was more cordial to address someone by their full name when first meeting them, but, apparently that was not the case with her. In truth, he tried to reserve his judgement about her... but... she was quickly making that difficult.

Instead, Tent focused more of his attention on Navina. She seemed very... professional, which Tent quickly decided he liked. Though he tried to conceal his enthusiasm, he quickly accepted her offer. "Now that my friend and I are sober, we would be more than able to assist you." His eyes met Guy's--who glared at him silently, but didn't oppose him. Tent returned to Navina, gesturing with his hands slightly, "Believe me, this armor isn't for show, either. Guy is not the only Deku Scrub here who plays with fire."

Trying not to boast more than necessary, Tent quickly changed the subject, "What have you heard about that tower, if I may ask? Some fellows were discussing it in hushed words... in the establishment from which my friend and I recently parted."

Guy crossed his arms, eyes narrowing as he peered towards the tower in the distance. Ten minutes walking would be more than enough to get there--he wouldn't need to call his steed for this. He had heard rumors about the tower, how it was claiming lives or... evil, or... whatever nonsense people liked to make up. An evil tree in the middle of the forest hardly seems like it would have anything of value, but, it seemed like Tent was already dragging him along for the ride. He could look forward to the man talking about how Din 'guided his hand' in 'exterminating the threat to the forest,' or whatever. He sighed, slightly, before beginning to slowly hover-skate towards the tree. "...Let's get going."

In the back of Guy's mind, he hoped Wiki would not be in attendance. The last thing he wanted right now was for her to sober him up every time he tried to sneak a mushroom into his mouth. He could overhear Tent and Navina discussing the tower, as they begin to follow him.

"You're very kind," Navina said. "And your friend is very... capable. I'm certain that both of you will be of great assistance."

Navina's smile slowly morphed into a frown, recounting the tales she had heard about the tower that brought her here in the first place. "Citizens complain of the tower driving your kind mad near its presence .. I must admit, I am wary to take you towards it knowing this... but you seemed eager to help." She again smiled sweetly down at Tent. "... However, I would hate if I were responsible for loss of the mental faculties of such a polite gentleman." Wiki and Guy could go mad for all she cared. A padded cell was available for them if they needed it. She nodded at Guy, watching him begin to skate in the direction of the tower.

The Gerudo glanced towards Wiki, her lips curling up into a smirk. She knew these pompous types well. "... How about you, Ms ... Wiki, was it not?" Navina unconsciously tensed her shoulders in preparation for the words she was about to speak. "You seem like quite the capable and cunning individual. I'm certain that you've achieved many great feats in your lifetime." Navina's smile was more than forced. She knew that Wiki's 'great feats' consisted of nothing even remotely worthy of praise. "Care to join us?"

Wiki shot at glare at the Gerudo.. which began to soften when she was complimented. Yes, finally, random people giving her the praise she rightfully deserved. Nothing suspicious about this in Wiki's mind, since she just assumed everyone had a keen sense of how great she was just by looking at her. Wiki coughed and rubbed her head. "I mean, no need to brag, but yeah... you're absolutely right, I am pretty great," she said, stretching a bit. She was obviously enjoying the attention. Wiki glanced towards the already on the move Guy and smirked. "Sure, why not." Navina smiled at the Deku's response. A bird in the hand was worth two in the bush.

Navina began to walk in the direction that Guy had skated in, Wiki soon following. As the group traveled, both Navina and Wiki stayed silent. There was a sort of awkwardness in the air that wasn't there before, as if walking towards the tower made real the fact that this was their excuse for a good and cohesive group. Although her eyes were hidden, Navina never stopped glancing back and forth between each of the three scrubs. For all she knew, they were all working together and were waiting to jump on her when she wasn't looking. Tent's politeness could have been just another ruse to make her more comfortable and the spat between Wiki and Guy could have also been an act. Navina shivered. There was a reason she didn't like scrubs, and the fact that their culture didn't frown very much upon trickery and deceit was just one of them.

The group finally arrived at an portal consumed entirely of shadow, and Navina was the first to break the awkward silence. "Walk without hesitation." Wiki let out a small snort as a giggle escaped her, trying to hold back her amusement at how ridiculous Navina sounded... but obviously failing. The Gerudo shot her a look in return, the thought of Wiki in handcuffs calming her.

Navina stepped through and immediately her eyes began to scan the room she was in. It was an open parlor made entirely of stone. Although this tower had appeared recently, there were signs of aging that seemed out of place. Tiles that were cracked and foliage that would have taken years to grow so thick were both scattered about randomly throughout the room. Navina also noticed a large, circular staircase that led up to the second floor.

Before anyone could walk towards the staircase, the seemingly empty room began to echo with the sounds of bushes rustling and Wiki groaning.

'Driving your kind mad?' That fell in the line with the rumors he felt a few hours prior. Guy wasn't too concerned about the maddening effects himself. He had every reason to assume he was no longer a proper Deku Scrub, or even a proper plant. It might as well be a Goron going in his place, as far as he could tell. Tent might be effected, but he already knew any conversation about that would--"Do not worry Navina, I'm sure Din will protect me if it is her will"--damnit. Needless to say, Wiki was already insane. Any worsening of her madness probably wouldn't be noticeable. Hell, it might even be an improvement.

As they walked, Tent noticed Navina was becoming increasingly uncomfortable--or at least it certainly seemed so. It was difficult for him to tell without being able to see her eyes. He tried to get a couple glances, but her head always seemed to be in the wrong place. He shrugged with a slight smirk. Guy seemed tense as well, and even this Wiki girl seemed uneasy. He knew from Guy that at least two of the people here were experienced dungeon explorers, and the impression he got from Navina is that this was hardly her first such excursion as well. Why was the air so tense? He felt like there was a secret no one was telling him, but he hesitated to ask about it, and the group mostly fell into silence for the entire walk.

Guy pressed his hand to his temple. That evil bitch was probably watching him, waiting for him to take a mushroom--and immediately negate its effects. Even Navina probably thought it was illegal or something--as if recreational drugs should be anything but allowed in every society if only so everyone could be mellow. He needed to find an opportunity to quickly slip some when no eyes were on him. Soon, he got his chance. Navina made her way through the portal, followed by Wiki and then Tent. All he needed was a split second. His hand snapped out a few tiny chucks, which immediately flew into his gullet. Only then did he make his way through it, not skipping a beat.

...

The room was veiled in darkness. Even with darkvision, it was difficult for Guy to make out the details. The ground was layered in a thick, black fog... eerie. As they ventured further, the sound of rustling bushes broke the silence. Launching out of the darkness came a flurry of Deku Nuts, shooting at the group from every direction. In an instant, Guy's shield shot up, shielding his eyes from the resulting flash. These projectiles didn't just bounce back--apparently these Mad Scrubs had a tiny bit of cunning to them. He didn't care to look, but assumed Navina and (maybe) Wiki were smart enough to endure the ambush.

A split-second later, Tent's insulated gauntlet snatched one right out of the air. He spun around quickly, carrying its momentum while simultaneously surrounding it in magical fire, before launching back at the Mad Scrub that fired it. A squeal ran through the room as the fiery bomblet hit its mark. Guy's body abruptly flashed into a flaming mass, while Tent's gauntlets burst into flames. The entire room was clearly revealed--and three more Mad Scrubs scattered about the room could be seen worriedly preparing a second volley. One was on its side, apparently out cold from Tent's counterattack.

Navina readied her two handed weapon. Wiki growled and shielded her eyes, happening to open them again right as another Deku nut flashed in her face. She stumbled backwards, dazed. Going down the line, one saw three prepared and obviously veteran fighters and.. Wiki, still trying to get the dots out of her eyes. She contributes so much.

When Wiki finally regained proper vision, she pointed at a bush and predictably set it on fire. She heard the screeches of a previously uncounted mad scrub echoing from the bush and she couldn't help but grin. As much as she enjoyed her kins mates, she enjoyed a better gene pool a lot more. She got a sick sense of satisfaction when one of the burning mad scrubs hopped into another bush in a panic, setting it ablaze. Wiki picked up a branch from a burning bush and held it like a torch. Neat. Wiki spotted an unconscious one. She lit that one on fire too.

Navina for one appreciated the various lightsources in the room. However, she was found it more than odd that the two flammable ones were lighting things on fire and Guy... well Guy was special. She spotted a Mad Scrub and tensed her body before her sword began to let out a dull noise and Navina shot forward. With a clean swipe of her sword, its head landed onto the ground with a thunk. She grinned. A Deku Nut hit her on the back of the head and she growled, spinning around and seeing stars. At least her visor protected her somewhat from the bright flashes. She saw movement in a nearby bush and rushed towards it, deftly stabbing her sword into it. She heard a screech and when she pulled back, her sword was dripping with sap. She stabbed the bush again for good measure and heard no more noise from it. She saw movement in a further before a Deku Nut shot out of it. Mere feet from the bush stood the more impolite of the trio of scrubs Navina was currently traveling with.

Wiki of course noticed the movement out of the corner of her eye and turned towards it, only to be blinded by the direct impact of a nut. Fuck. FUCK. This is why she never learned to do that shit, it was obnoxious and cheap. Wiki blinked rapidly, attempting to regain her vision. Before she could, however, she felt her body pulled downwards and into the bush. Screeches erupted from it, and for once, the majority of them weren't from Wiki. She held up her arms and tried to claw her way out of the bush as the Mad Scrub pummeled her, throwing its entire weight onto her in a insane haze. Although she was overwhelmed (and in a bush), the Mad Scrub wasn't fighting with much tact or reason and even Wiki found its attacks pretty easy to block. She grimaced. If she ever got so batshit that even she didn't have any trouble fighting back... just fucking kill her.

(Sorry for mammoth post. I was going to cut it off in the middle, but then realized that would probably force you to describe the second room, so I just pushed on. )

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, they had wiped the floor with all five of these Mad Scrubs. Even Guy was surprised by how easy it turned out to be. He supposed he had become too accustomed to fighting by himself--or alongside Wiki--to remember how being part of a half-decent fighting force actually felt. The last of the Mad Scrubs seemed to be wildly pummeling the girl in question, which... he himself didn't much mind.

That was, until Tent nudged Guy and pointed at the girl, before running in himself. Idiot was probably going to get a Deku Nut in his face, Guy assumed. With a sigh, Guy somewhat reluctantly opened his palm, causing a Keese to abruptly appear there with a whirl of shadowy smoke. Winding up as if he was about to throw a fastball, Guy hurled the tiny creature towards Wiki and the Mad Scrub. "Get the long-haired one." Could a Keese distinguish hair length? Maybe. Regardless, the Keese flapped and swatted at the Mad Scrub enough for Wiki to get the upper hand and shove it off.

No sooner did it hit the ground than Tent made a dramatic leap high above it. His fist drew back before bursting into flames, and the crashing down into the Mad Scrub's chest like a meteor. He rolled off the body, then surveyed the room--assuming Navina and Guy would do the same. "It seems clear." He glanced down at corpses of his fellow Scrubs, sighing, "...I really hope this is what Din wants."

Guy grimaced slightly. Even he was a bit surprised the others seemed to slaughter them without a second thought, though it was hardly the first time he had killed indiscriminately. Tent, he knew, had an obnoxiously large conscience about this sort of thing. "Don't worry, there was no life behind their eyes anymore." Guy lied. "Any resemblance of who they were before had been long gone.... Isn't that right, Navina?" He knew Wiki wouldn't care, but this other woman was so goody-two-shoes she might give a damn about relieving Tent's unnecessary guilt.

"Don't... Don't worry about me," Tent shrugged it off, then smiled uneasily. He was smart enough not to dwell on what he couldn't change. All he needed to do was get this pillar eradicated, somehow, so this wouldn't happen again. "Let's press on."

With a shrug, Guy advanced up the makeshift staircase. "This appeared rather quickly, didn't it?" He asked no one in particular, but assumed the others were following him, "Who do you think... built it?"

They came up to a second room. Was every room just going to be one floor after another? He remembered the rumor saying that a cry came from the top of the tower, so, Guy supposed that's where the menace lied. Like the one before it, this room was extremely wide, seemingly taking up the majority of this pillar's width, if not its entirety. There seemed to be some kind of dark-colored spores or fog coming from the ceiling... making it difficult to actually tell if there was a ceiling.

Rather than a functional staircase, the room was surrounded with branches in a spiral pattern. Guy knew he would be able to climb ridiculously well, but... the others couldn't exactly pull his tricks. He could carry Wiki if he absolutely had to, but he was fairly certain she would sooner risk falling and cracking her skull than asking him for help.

Tent exchanged a glance with Guy, who seemed to be thinking the same thing. He turned towards Navina, asking as politely as he could, "How skilled of a climber are you, Navina?" Considering her weight and armor, he assumed she was likely the weakest climber of them--even if her long limbs gave her that advantage.

"Hmm?" Navina said. She had been engrossed in looting the bodies of what were previously once very sane people. The Gerudo looked towards Guy and Tent, now realizing that they expected her to respond to something she hadn't heard. "Ah, er..." Momentarily, with the obvious threats gone Navina had spaced out. "Yes, absolutely... Here, come look at this. This one kept a diary, transcribed his thoughts down as he lost them." Navina sighed. "How sad..."

Wiki cringed, although she felt better knowing there would be people out there just creepy enough to loot through her things after they ended up killing her. That's the dream, anyways. But sheesh, she was a bitch but at least she was... no, she was just a bitch. Wiki just didn't enjoy socially awkward situations. She glanced over at Tent. He was obviously distressed from killing. What an idiot. Who gave a shit?

However, for once, Wiki stayed silent. In bigger groups like this, it was often better to listen and observe for at least a bit. Also, not being an awful person wasn't really in her nature, and Wiki tended to speak freely. Better just shut up for awhile, especially with a guard around. The group moved up the staircase and Navina shrugged at Guy's question. Wiki grumbled out something too quiet for anyone to hear. Probably something awful.

"I'll shed armor," Navina responded to Tent without skipping a beat. "Not an issue." Wiki let out a wheezing noise, trying once again to hold back laughter but failing. It took Navina a moment, but once it click her cheeks and chin flashed bright red, and she felt the need to stammer out more of an explanation. "I have things under my armor, of course! D-Don't worry." Wiki grinned, enjoying the other woman's awkwardness. She really was an asshole. When no one else spoke, Navina continued to ramble. "... I... I don't mean to offend. I just honestly doubt any of you would be strong enough to carry me."

"Yeah, no, it's fine," Wiki said. "We're not weird and obscenely buff. Scrubs really aren't supposed to get that big." She shot knowing a look towards Guy.

Navina sighed, looking around. There.. there didn't seem to be any sort of a lever to pull down. There was no choice. She looked down at the three scrubs surrounding her in awkward silence, obviously nervous about the entire situation. She was a Gerudo, she could climb rather well, had been trained in it.. that is, when she didn't have armor on. But she also she knew that she wore a leather body suit under her armor, and she wasn't really in the mood to show off such combat vulnerabilities in front of two known criminals. This really was a nightmare. She began to strip herself of the most bulky and easily removable of her equipment first.

Wiki stared. Wiki stared for a lot of reasons. Fuck Gerudos. Fuck Commander Tits and Ass and Nose. Literally the only things keeping them from being Hylians were fucking round ears and that stupid big ass nose and those curvy, wonderful hips an--

"T-TENT," Wiki stammered, her screechy voice overpowering the clanks of metal from various pieces of Navina's armor, "Uh, you seem like.. a learned fellow on the matter and... shit, sort of embarassing, but.. I've actually read a lot of books from a lot of varying schools of theological thought, and err.. what are your opinions on the theories proposed that the Goddesses have had - flesh and blood - physical presence after the initial creation of the Triforce?" She tried her best to sound geniune. She really did. But Wiki didn't give a shit about Tent's opinions. All that really mattered were Her opinions.

But if there was one thing Wiki was good at, it was breaking up awkward silences. She also really hoped sending someone on a religious rant would piss off Guy. (Because he obviously seemed like such the devoted type)

Guy was fairly certain Navina was a racist, heartless person. She didn't even hesitate murdering people who used to be sane--no, not people, to her Deku Scrubs probably weren't people. There's no way she would have done that to a Hylian or Gerudo. That was one thing, but she didn't even think a Deku Scrub would have remorse over murdering one of their own kind--even if Tent himself didn't play an integral role in finishing them off. Indeed, even Guy only intended to knock them out before the others outright slaughtered a quintet of unarmed savages. His previous impressions of her were quickly souring. Just as it did, Wiki blatantly invoked his sister--as if Wiki herself was in awe of Sienna. Meanwhile, Tent was beginning to invoke his religion again. A sigh escaped him.

The others seemed to be rambling about the weight of armor, or religious conversations, or Wiki drooling over Navina's curves. It was all rather... annoying. He had no qualms leaving them be and advancing up the wall by himself. He dropped the words, "I'll scout ahead--see if there's a lever or something." His boots magically glued to the wall as he strolled, peering into the fog up ahead. He wondered if Navina or Tent could even see through the darkness deep enough to notice this... stuff...

Needless to say, Tent jumped when Wiki screamed his name. He had forgotten himself, far too distracted with Navina stripping than he liked to admit. Previous experience suggested that listening to him ramble about the goddesses tended to annoy those who were not as devote at him. Even so, "Since you asked... I do believe that portions of the goddess' majesty were imbued into mortal creatures, but--" He proceeded to ramble on pretty much indefinitely about what he believed to be the origins and history of the goddesses, and how they have reflected in mortal beings throughout known history.

Meanwhile, Guy was surrounded in black fog. It felt... itchy... somehow, which was worrisome. A fear struck him--maybe this smoke was what drove those other Scrubs insane? A shudder ran over his body. He abruptly felt a numb feeling crunch into his arm. Ohshi--his body exploded on instinct into a burst of flame. Before Guy even realized it, the flickering flames of his body threw back the fog several feet. He could see through it clearly enough now to notice the others--and surely they could see him as well. The feeling in his arm was just a Black Boe biting him, which was now falling to its death, wrapped in fire. The wound it left was painful, but not enough to cause injury.

Tent's little ramble about the golden goddesses came to an end as he looked up towards the sudden burst of light. Damn if he didn't wish he could do that. Din surely must have blessed him. Nonetheless, "It looks like we can clear the fog with heat or flame." He looked towards Wiki, knowingly.

[ I'm spending roops on Wall-Kick its like 10 roops for navina get rekt n blaze it 8y ]]

Deku scrubs totally were people to Navina, albeit really skeevfy, usually insane people. Navina just knew that the scrubs she had killed were insane. That's why she didn't hesitate to kill them. Right? Right. Besides, that's why Navina made sure to validate that they really were batshit... after she had already killed them... meaning.. ... Navina grimaced and silenced her thoughts.As much as Wiki didn't want to admit it, this guy knew his stuff. Even though she had feigning (as in mostly nonexistent) religious beliefs, religious mythology was always something that had interested her. She was able to keep up decent enough conversation with him, even if she was.. distracted.

However, the conversation died when an entirely dead corpse of a Boe slammed onto the ground. Wiki blinked, glancing towards Tent as he broke the silence. "Y-yeah, sure," she stammered, knowing full well she couldn't cast her new technique as quick as she could an older one that required the use of a staff. By now, Navina had finished removing her armor... although she had left her helmet on. Wiki was pissed. What a fucking tease. Nothing pissed Wiki off more than being denied access to information, even if the information was someone's face. ... Besides, Wiki was now left wondering why the hell this chick was so weird. Sheesh, they let some real creepers into the guard these days. Wiki wasn't totally just being biased and looking for every fault in this woman she possibly could to get her mind off t-- "LET's ... Yeah, let's get going. 'Sides, Dark and Brooding is probably at another door by now." To be fair, Wiki probably shared a lot of Guy's views on life... but she never gave up an opportunity to make fun of him.

Navina nodded. Although her equipment was bulky, it wasn't as obnoxious as her armor. She stretched. It had been a long time since she had been around people without her armor. In fact, it had been a long time since she had been in a combat situation without any. She grinned, wisely warming up her body before she had to start making the leaps across branches. Suddenly and without warning, she kicked off, quickly hopping from branch to branch. She occasionally would kick off the wall, launching herself with a flip through the air and landing gracefully on the next branch. To a judgemental onlooker, she undoubtedly appeared as if she was showing off. However, it had just been so long since she had used such techniques from her youth, as if they were suddenly flooding back into her memory. (( 8yy;; ))

Wiki did not care to stretch. Like some sort of insect like creature, Wiki jumped onto and then began scaling the walls, ignoring the branches entirely. She occasionally would point at the wall to dissipate some new arrival of fog, but she would mostly rely upon following Guy's trail of destruction and whatever else Tent would contribute to the climb. Or she'd just go through it. Fuck if Wiki cared about fog, it's not like she couldn't see through it. Wiki also didn't believe the rumors that it was the tower making the scrubs crazy. Scubs came in more flavors of insanity than fish in the sea. Besides, crazy usually brings more crazy with it. Theory of agglomeration and all that.
Navina found herself at the top of the branch spiral faster than anticipated. It really had been awhile since she had used the skills that her culture was known for. For some reason, she felt slightly embarrassed, although she couldn't place why. Wiki arrived ... eventually, huffing and puffing.

"Shit... shit," Wiki breathed, wiping her brow of nonexistent sweat. The platform the group had found themselves wrapped entirely around the base of the tower, but still left a hole in the middle for any unfortunate soul to jump down and to the bottom of the branch staircase again. She looked around, noticing she was most definitely the last one to make it to the top. Well, she would be the first one to open the door! She coughed, and then moved towards it. She tried her best to hide her exhaustion, but even Wiki had to breathe. For now. The Deku opened the door revealing... a two foot by two foot room. A dead end. Wiki stared into the room - could it even fucking be called that?! It was a closet. Wiki climbed all this way for for a fucking closet.

"Are yOU FUCKING SHITTING ME--" Wiki screeched before beginning to kick wooden the door violently. Each pounding of the Deku's foot made Navina visibly flinch. Finally, Wiki stopped slamming her gross feet against the door, her entire body shaking and huffing from the outburst. Fuck it, she was gonna go into the closet. She was gonna go into the closet and dig around until she found fucking presents. She stomped inside it. However, as soon as she put her entire weight on it, she heard a clicking noise. Wiki breathed in deeply. Of course.

At that instant, 8 Skulltulas dropped down from newly opened holes in the ceiling. Not an issue, right? Navina quickly punched one that had spawned way too close to her. However, these Skulltulas seemed weaker than your average giant spider, and the thing crumpled from a light punch. Navina's eyebrow cocked. She looked up, realizing that after she had killed the creature, the hole above it closed. She grimaced. Great.

Guy glanced down to see the others scrambling up. Navina was surprisingly... agile. Wiki seemed to have some kind uncanny, magical skill for this. Meanwhile... Guy groaned. After returning to cold stone, he walked back down to snatch up Tent, and carried him somewhat effortlessly back up the length of the wall. Between three of them able to wield some form of flames, it was an easy task keeping the fog at bay before they pierced through it and advanced to the next floor.

Tent landed on his feet, before offering Guy a slight nod. Both of them knew Tent could make it up on his own, but it was best he save his energy. With a pat of Guy's shoulder, Tent reminded him, "I was going to give you a gift tomorrow, you know, what with it being your birthday and everything..." They exchanged slight smirks, "Kind of forgot about it in all the ruckus, but... I figured you could use it now. You kinda look like you need some cheering up, anyway."

Guy sighed, smiling at him. Every once in a while he remembered why he was friends with this nut. "...You know me too well, man."

While they waited on those who had taken to actually climbing on their own, Tent pulled out what appeared to be a white cloak with blue tips. "Figured if you were going to wear a scarf all the time, you'd probably like it to be magical. It's a Roc's Cape." Guy's eyes grew wide.

...

Glancing over his shoulder, Guy noticed Navina, then Wiki. He was almost surprised it took them so long. "Didn't run into any Boes?" It seemed odd for there to be only one... but then again, the fire could have scared them off. Both may have noticed his scarf seemed drastically cleaner, and was suddenly white--he seemed to be in a bit better mood, as well...

...

Wow, Wiki was pissed over something so trivial. What a shocker. Her tantrum dropped over a half-dozen Skulltula from the ceiling--and Guy instantly blazed over. Yet, everyone saw Navina defeat one with a simple punch. Not only that, but the things didn't even seem to be attacking them really... just... dangling there, as if waiting for them. "I suppose I should check out the holes," Guy admitted. He gave Tent another grin, before abruptly soaring into the air, then leaping again with a second jump, and finally propelling all the way up to the ceiling with a backflip, landing foot-first onto it. With an almost childish grin, he wondered if this was how Rito felt.

The other three watched Guy vanish into the hole--only for one side of a hemp rope to be thrown down, abruptly caught in Tent's hand. "Huh." He glanced at the Skulltula. If he tried to climb the rope, his body would invariably swing towards it, which needless to say was a bad idea. If he tried to kill the Skulltula, or remove it, he assumed the hole would close. He started to wish he hadn't already given Guy the cape... Glancing towards the other two, he offered them the rope, shrugging, "Any ideas?" If they could anchor down this end of the rope, maybe...

The Skulltulas all seemed strangely pissed, but were harmless for so long as they stayed attached to their silk strings. It was difficult to say when--or if--they would decide to hop down.

Nope. Not again. Not the Skulltulas, not Skulltulas. They were literally the worst things, the worst fucking things in the world. She cautiously looked at Guy as soon as the spiders dropped, but not because she was afraid of her fears of the beasts getting out (she was), but because the last time she had to deal with these things she was with his sister. Damn. If someone she really disliked (or hated, shit, she was always flip flopping on her opinion on this man) knew about her fear of these things she’d… probably flip a shit.

“Ok, ok shit, uh…” Wiki mumbled, jumping up and down. She looked over at Navina, saluted… and then jumped on the wall, scaling the ceiling like a rat. For once, she skittered, fueled entirely by fear. Fuck the gross … silk …weavers. She was up next to Guy within moments. When Wiki really wanted to, she could move pretty fast. She just… needed to lay down for a moment. So she did. Peace.

Navina scoffed, cocking a smile. Hello, hello. It was super easy to see that she could just wall jump, swing off a branch, get some momentum… rope, up the hole, to the top. Super easy. She jumped up and down, preparing herself for the activity. Jeez, it really had been awhile since she had been out of her armor. She was way too eager to stretch her legs.

But, before Navina could do so… all of the doors on the ceiling closed, and Wiki and Guy were separated from Tent and Navina. It seemed like nothing could get throu—“aAAaAAAaAAUFGH” and Wiki was screaming, it was of course heard by Navina and Tent (even through such solid stone) and Wiki was up and about because she was not going to be dealing with –

“Oh. Hey,” she said, ignoring the suddenly illuminated stalchildren who were popping out of the vines. “Nice scarf.” False. So false. Made him look awful. She focused on the danger, pointed her finger at one of the Statlkids. Gone. Goodbye skeleton kid. One down three to go.

Navina, however, saw the room go black…. And then suddenly, an awful lot of yellow eyes appeared next to the one yellow eyed creature she was already stuck with. She sighed, seeing that the Boes had come out of their hiding places from under the tiles. Tricky little things, Boes.

“Tent,” Navina said, speaking quickly and jumping into a fighting stance. “You’re traveling with a known criminal.” She looked down at him, her eyes borrowing into him even through her visor. “… …. I will not attempt to arrest him, if you assist me in apprehending the other one.”

Guy abruptly burst into flame as he thought he heard a cat being skinned, eyes wide. Wait. No. It was just the only woman she knew who probably had skinned a--... okay, maybe one of two women she knew like that. He groaned, before whipping out his sword. Stalchildren weren't exactly known for being fearsome foes.

His shield ate a claw swipe, before his blade tore through a gab in its ribs and severed its spine with a single thrust--cleaving its body in half. The piles of bones hit the ground, before evaporating into seemingly magical smoke. Guy abruptly propelled towards the second-nearest one, tackling it to the ground with his flaming body. He felt it claw desperately against his legs--damnit, that was tearing--before he dramatically slammed his blade down into its skull, ending its undeath. It too, disappeared into smoke--but not without tearing a hole in Guy's pants and cutting along his calf. Recovering himself, he glanced towards Wiki. Considering how easy this things were, he assumed she had already finished off the last one.

...

Tent sighed, slightly. He had a feeling this was Navina's angle, as much as he wanted to believe it wasn't. He believed Guy to be a good person--insofar that he didn't outright kill things without need, apparently unlike Navina herself. In his mind, that was the only true sin--aside from blaspheming Din, of course. He assumed a fighting stance himself, before lighting his gauntlets aflame. The Boes flinched away, apparently smart enough not to attack something that was glowing and on fire. He assumed Navina would still probably kill them herself, though. He spoke uneasily, "...What exactly do you want me to do." He had little doubt Guy could successfully evade capture, but at the same time, he didn't yet know what kind of tricks Navina might still be hiding.

As one of the Boes drew closer, he waved a flaming arm before it, causing it to duck away in cowardice. "I can make a torch for you, if you'd prefer not to kill them..." Even if they were kind of menacing, they seemed harmless in Tent's eyes--kind of cute, really. "...Anyway, I don't suppose so you have a clue what caused the room to change? Maybe something is watching us?"