Health Inspectors at the Seafood Buffet

"Pffft!" a horn sounded in the distance.

Eve was horrendously disappointed. The feast in Eve and Julius' honor had become pretty boring, and the Zora were every bit as annoying to Eve as she had expected. The food wasn't that amazing either. While she was basically starving, it simply wasn't in a Kokiri's palate to appreciate Zoran delicacies. But Eve wasn't so picky after that long stint she had in the mountains, nor from the previous stint at sea. This wasn't ordinary seafood though, a lot of the ingredients came from rivers and ponds. Eve wasn't thrilled with it but she knew the value of a meal at this point.

The dull noise of the party was silenced partway through, as the chieftain of this camp appeared. He rang a small coral bell to get the attention of those around. His snide, muscley mustache made of fins was apparent on his tall face, which was tilted upward as a gesture of status. He got his footing on a high rock and finally spoke up.

"Attention guests! I have an announcement to make. Our Lord Jabu-Jabu has fallen ill, upriver past the Eastern Caves, in the Great Bay." he announced, a palm to his chest.

Eve gave him a queer look. At first, she didn't care. But something about that name rang a bell.

"We need the help of as many brave warriors as we can find, to seek a cure for him. In these dangerous times and dangerous lands, only the strongest will do." the Chieftain continued, a cold smirk growing on his face. His head was unsettlingly bulbous, starting at the forehead. Eve put off calling him a five-head because she was still distracted by that name-drop.

"WAIT!" Eve shouted, her outside voice unnecessary when nobody else was talking. "DO YOU KNOW JABUN?"

The Chieftain's smirk faded. Not only was this a complicated issue for the Zora, but anyone living in the Eastern caves area knew Jabun had been dead for many years. Jabun's death was still heavily suspect and unsolved. The Chieftain's gaze tilted downward at the girl. His eyes meeting the sash she inexplicably had over her eyes.

"Nobody has known Jabun for a great many years, he has passed on to the next life." the Chieftain answered, visibly flustered. His wandering hand moved over the side of his face.

Something rare happened, Eve's face was filled with genuine sympathy and grief. She began to weep.

"Uuuuuwooooobuuuuuu." she wailed, still ruining the silence.

"What. What is it? Are you implying that you actually knew him?" the Chieftain scowled. He was clearly hiding something.

"M-my friend" she muttered between bawling.

"What about you, knight? Do you have what it takes to go to Great Bay for our Deity?" he clamored, trying to cover up the inconsistencies.

"Does the slayer of dragons and all things 'evil' have what it takes to save a local deity? I am going to say yes." He looked at the chieftain's assorted group, noting several... odd deformities they all possessed. They all looked like... knock-off Zora. Like something wasn't quite right about them, but Julius had no time to ponder any of his gut feelings. He had to get his blubbering mess of an assistant out of here before her veil fell off or something, and their place of refuge became a place of violence instead, like some kind of seedy street tavern.

And with that, he got his floundering mess of a helper out of the shop. "What's the deal with this Jabun guy, anyways? I get that he was an ancient deity, sort of, but there's not a lot of information surrounding him in any of the texts the Royal Family has... That I've read, at least, which is... I guess most of them that actually pertain to history."

Making conversation like this, Julius set Evelyn along the path to Great Bay, so that they could see what might be ailing Lord Jabu-Jabu. Of course, something irked Julius the wrong way about this... And he suddenly got the feeling that they were in for more than they had initially bargained for.

Little did Julius know, he was exactly right. Another dungeon full of block puzzles and senseless beasts awaited him at Great Bay. But still, he continued his trek there with the helpful Evelyn by his side. Didn't he make her some kind of new weapon, or something? He was supposed to have made her one, at least.

They made their way down the path, as Eve tried to hold her tears back. She gave what Julius said a lot of thought, so she couldn't answer immediately. She sniffled a bit, loosening the sash on her head.

"He's not in a lot of books. . . Jabun lived further out at sea. He also only surfaced from the bottom of the ocean at really specific times. I used to be a sailor when I was little, so I was among those who got to meet him. I didn't know he was a deity though, I just thought he was our friend. The sailors would get advice from him when something terrible was about to happen. He saved countless boats from explosive storms! I just wish I knew who took him away from us now." she explained, oddly calmer and less screechy than usual.

While this most deep lore came out, something else briefly occurred to Evelyn. Was someone responsible for all those horrible storms? She would have to find out one of these days. But something itched at Eve as well as Julius. While Eve was used to being followed around by the faceless one, it felt like something else was following her this time. She wasn't imagining it. Eve heard something like a "pffft" or a "toot," of a horn recurring as far back as the feast grounds. Which reminded her that they had a rather large bag of leftover food with them from the feast.

Eve shook her head. She had to focus on the apparent danger. She finally built up the courage to start looking over her shoulder for hints at what the noise was. Something skittered behind a tree while her head was turning during one of her routine looks. She spotted a flag as it vanished behind the tree. Kept her sash close, opting to just cover her eyes completely as she realized the creature was getting close.

"Hey caps, hold back a second I think-" she started, getting cut off.

"DOOT DA NA NAAAAH!" a small creature's voice announced.

Eve kept away, but put a distance between the creature and Julius, who was no doubt surprised.

The captain would see a Miniblin, flamboyantly dressed with a flag strapped to his back and a small blue shirt that looked like it was meant for a toddler. In his hand was a large conical trumpet, no doubt the source of the noise. He continued to wave around the trumpet enthusiastically.

"Pooky trumpet come here the GREAT mistress!" he announced, his speech clearly broken.

At that moment a blue-cloaked figured trounced up the path. Under the cowl peeked out a skin tone and bright eyes that designated she was a Gerudo. The woman kept her distance, coming in close proximity with the Miniblin. She probed her arms out in front of herself, searching for the Miniblin's flag by touch. She couldn't see at all. The woman wasted no time in speaking.

"You, ancient child. Diligent veteran, you listen as well. The powers that threaten the Sea Deities, they mean harm for all. Like a tumor they will spare none in their quest to harm. You will solve a terrible mystery, and that armored man will find solace in his youthful energy lit anew. For the brightest outcome, seek the hidden powers concealed by the land. But you must find out what is happening. Put your minds together to form a whole. Find the hidden center of the great shape. Oh, and beware of bubbles. I must go now."

Eve started to yell, but it was too late. The pair of strangers fled into the thick woods and were not seen again. She started grabbing at her face, cursing under her breath at her own inability to see without strange consequences. Maybe that lady was right, maybe she had to seek new and different abilities to overcome her problem.

"Ugh! Let's just go. If we do solve the mystery like that lady said, I can find out who killed Jabun. It's not the worst advice but I can't understand or remember any of what she said! Don't drop that food." Eve complained. If Julius was lucky, she might stop complaining and keep the trip as silent as it was before this point.

After the... seer and her monstrous pet showed up (and just about crashed the party they were about to have in Jabu-Jabu's intestines), they did quite a lot of walking, which lead to not nearly as much talking. In fact, the trip -- in all honesty -- was quiet, lame, and boring.

And all the walking they did. Oh my. If Julius hadn't just gorged himself on what he was pretty sure was clams earlier in the day, then he might not have been able to resist the leftovers that were sealed in his Adventure Pouch; leftovers that he, of course, had been told to bring by the chief himself.

Not that it really mattered what the chief said, did, or knew all that much; Julius could see him almost like he was a paper wall, what with the amount of faux-deceit he had tried to throw them off with. Whether it was involved with the death of Jabun, or the illness of their newer deity, however, was unlikely in his opinion. It seemed to Julius that the chief had probably set up whatever had happened in the Ice Cavern; it explained how a messenger got out despite there being a solid slab of ice in the way, why once rescued they insisted on a banquet...

It even accounted for why they listened to his hired help. Not that he had informed them of much; but, he knew that were he on the receiving side of an earful from her, that he would likely compare to a banshee or some other wailing menace within moments. Hell, with her voice alone, she could probably kill a Pols Voice, and that was saying something.

They arrived at the stone platform aloft in the river, near the Great Bay. "Alright, so..." Julius said, briskly walking up the steps, taking the container of food out from his Adventure Pouch. He also took out his Pictograph Box. There was no way he was passing up photographing this enormous shark. At least, that's what he could have sworn he had read Jabu-Jabu essentially was, from any formal scientific standpoint.

"We put the food here... and then we wait," Julius said, placing the parcel down before readying his box. How long would it take this fish, great protector or not, to appear? Only time could tell.

Eve tightened her purple sash around her waist. Somewhere during the trip, she'd snugly bunched up her winter attire into her Adventure Pouch. Her yellow mess of an outfit became more apparent in the increasingly blaring sunlight. Her sundress billowed lightly around her legs, like an unpredictable wind. The water, while calm was an unsightly color. The lack of great movement on the water a sure sign that its guardian was ill. Eve looked at the river, which had a pure color and clear white foam at the crest. She wondered when Jabu-Jabu would appear.

Julius stood there with the Picto Box. He was determined to get the shot. Naturally, Eve knew she could only set up the shot one way. Leaving the bag there would only make him rise slowly to the surface. But Eve had something else in mind. She took a big armful of the bag and tossed it and its contents into the air. A ripple and a dark shape appeared on the surface of the river. Rather than complain and get bored, Eve watched the bag of seafood scatter and soar above stone platform. The water erupted as the tempting treats came into Jabu-Jabu's senses. The aquatic lord of peace majestically dove from the river into the open air. His mouth contorting into a massive open vortex. Julius snapped the shot just as the massive shape blocked out the sun and sucked them inside.

Jabu-Jabu plunged back into the river, making damn near all of the water splash and displace out. As the rushing water took form again, he peacefully swam down the rapids into the bay where he would return to rest with his new treats(?) safely inside his mouth. He certainly wasn't the most intelligent god of wisdom. Though it could be said he planned this, as parables go about swallowing things to catch flies. Though it's baffling in the first place somebody would keep swallowing things to catch other things. Moving on.

Julius recovered on the great tongue of Jabu-Jabu. Eve was still flopping around from the vortex, as it seemed she kept rolling around on the tongue. When she finally got hold of herself, she was already a good way into the mouth. Eve picked herself up and examined her surroundings. There was a good pool of water inward of the tongue. The great grotesque shape of the inner mouth creating a sort of entrance hall. Things Eve noticed right away were several discolored bubbles poking out of the Lord's throat. Above the pool, the Shabom floated hoping to catch prey in their painful rain of explosive bubbles. As Eve noticed, they certainly did look just like ordinary bubbles. She didn't remember, but Julius could have recalled a certain warning about bubbles half-way down the road. Second of all, Eve noticed something even stranger.

An entire cow's head was sticking out of Jabu-Jabu's tonsils. Eve didn't think it was alive but was proven wrong immediately when she noticed her idly grinding her teeth. The cow made a gurgling moo sound, indicating that her whole body was perfectly alive and lodged in the tonsil. Eve's eyes wandered to the cow as she stupidly walked near the pool of Shabom, becoming dangerously close to being attacked.

"Oh, and beware of bubbles," Julius repeated to himself, digging around in his Adventure Pouch for a particular relic of his. He drew Lucia's Boomerang, knowing full well that it would make short work of the things. Julius didn't really even know how they would damage one of them-- maybe acid? Well, it didn't really matter at this point.

"Watch out!" Julius yelled to Eve as he let the Boomerang's fiery, ember-filled gust of wind tore through the viscous bubbles. Two down... but the remaining three bounced and fluttered through the air in Jabu-Jabu's mouth like they were butterflies. He caught the Boomerang on its return path, before picking off one more. They were fast-- too fast, even. In the time It would take for the boomerang to come back... They would already be upon the Kokiri girl who seemed way too interested in a cow hanging out of a tonsil.

"Eve, the knife!" He had already gotten out his Hookshot, mounted it upon his arm, and fired. It pierced another with an extraordinary POP!, but the last one was already upon Eve. Hopefully she had managed to get something between her and the bubble.

He saw the glint of steel and instantly recognized his own creation. He visualized it in his head: the cutting edges of the blade were a deep blue colored Splinter Crystal, with a rigid steel center and piercing point. The steel, because of the Ice Gems used in its construction, had sort of a blue hue to it. Tied below the pommel and trailing along the chain connected to the pommel was a length of Vapor Cloth, making sure that Eve would usually have it ready, even if she threw it.

It did its job perfectly.

Julius investigated the area now that it seemed clear of danger. There were... things, in his mouth, that shed light. It wasn't exactly daylight, but it was more than enough to see by. There was also the matter of the cow. As he approached what he assumed was Jabu-Jabu's... tonsils? How on earth could a cow get stuck in his tonsils. This was ridiculous.

"What should we do with the bovine?"

After smacking the crap out of some Shabom, Eve returned focus to the cow in the room.

"Come!" Eve commanded her knife, making it revert back to her hand.

She enjoyed her new toy, marveling at the special engraving it had. It looked like this:

​

Her Hylian wasn't very good, but as far as she knew it meant something special and dear to Julius' profession. Besides, the character set seemed way out of date for her to even know the letters. It didn't matter too much right now, she had to focus on that Cow. Knowing she could speak to animals, Eve attempted to communicate with it.

"What the biscuits are you doing wedged in fish flesh?" Eve asked, seemingly equal parts confused as disinterested.

"You look like something I chewed up. Buy some better clothes, or take them off." the cow answered haughtily.

Eve's eyes swelled up like fat blisters as knuckle shapes formed out of the tissue. Massive arms engulfed her form as the pair of hardened fists rocketed out. A cartoonish arm slammed like a freight train into the cow neck with a sickening crunch. Somewhere at the end of the mouth was the sound of moving flesh, signaling the door(?) opening further ahead. Looked like the cow was the switch. Huh.

Eve's face came back together and she made her way with Julius into the throat. There was something unsettling about the area, it felt like part-building while still being the inside of a live animal. This must have been the work of Nayru. A large outcropping went around the cylindrical hub of the inner throat, meeting in some other "doors" as well as some various other platforms. Above them was a set of blood vessels and flesh that seemed to make a spiral ramp upward. That had to be the path to the septum. Then, partway down the hub was something odd floating in the center. It was some kind of flat flesh platform moving up and down. There were some sorts of teeth coming off it too, which was unsettling. Last of all seemed to be a sort of test for the environment. A single Bari hovered around on the further side of the hub near one of the doors. The electrical field pf the jellyfish was immediately apparent, and Eve remembered it well from her run-in at the Dark Palace. She was not letting herself get fried again.

There was a Bari within the monster's gullet. It had probably been consumed by the monster in its quest to quell its ravenous hunger, but you could never be sure with these kinds of things. He tossed the Boomerang at the electric jelly, knocking the daylights out of it; it would take a real idiot to get shocked by it now. He noticed the platform, at first very confused about what it was. He prodded it with the edge of his Boomerang, activating it somehow.

The platform moved to a level below them, before returning to their position some time later. "Hey, Eve, check this out," he said, motioning to their makeshift elevator. "I think if we stand on it..." he set foot onto the fleshy device, grimacing as it squelched and sank beneath his weight. Eve soon set foot upon the elevator as well.

It began to chug up, and up, and up... It must have been at least thirty feet before it finally stopped at the highest point of the creature. "This place is nuts," he said to his assistant, looking ahead at the membrane-door. "It defies any concept of established biology so far, in fact. I don't think we should tell anyone about this. Ever." He walked over to the door, noticing that there wasn't much else of interest in his environment. It was just the--so far--usual clusters of blood vessels and flesh, and the slimy surface of mucous across the creature's cavaties.

Julius wriggled his arm through the door, eventually stretching open as he and Eve set foot into... was this his brain? "No wonder this fish is sick-- he's got fucking worms digging through his head!" He assessed his inventory. Assuming he didn't somehow fuck up his aim, his Hookshot should be more than sufficient for this task. He aimed the device at one of the Like-Likes rummaging through the Great Fish's gray matter and let it rip, almost like a Beyblade. It tore into the nearly gum-like flesh of the Like-Like with ease; the blade caught on its skin and dragged it back to Julius and Eve.

"Shit," he said plainly, dropping the device and drawing his sword. An icy aura came around it, and as the tip of its Mirror Silver cut across the flesh of the Like-Like, it burst into ice, shriveling up and seeming to die then and there. Julius examined more of the fish's brains, before coming to a conclusion. "They're everywhere!"

Eve examined this fucked up incident.

"These things are everywhere in here! Is this the same thing that happened to Jabun?! I sure hope not." she responded, taking a little time to get her claws into what was going on.

She looked among the grey matter, spotting some odd cubes in the brain mass. She figured that must be normal, at the very least. The Like-Likes were not, and she set her sights on destroying some of them herself. Before rushing head-on into it, she reminded herself that she was doing this for Jabun. Her spirit surged with motivation. Eve lunged at the nearest Like-Like and tore a steely pair of fists out of her eyes.

The flesh of the Like-Like mushed like Play-doh around the piercing force of the arms. Eve kept up the pressure and drilled a couple more punches into the center of the creature, and it seemed to slowly tear apart from the inside out. This of course, was not the most sound strategy. Many other Like-Likes surrounded her, and their voracious nature made her an easy target. One of the Like-Likes stretched out, asserting dibs on the wonky Kokiri. It began by stretching extremely long and entwining her unguarded form with its flexible length.

Many of them joined it in the great race to devour Eve. They all seemed to be knocking on her door like a big trick-or-treat fest. While about to be eaten, she could only seem to think what a happy Halloween it would be for them. Eve didn't think she would readily die with Julius still nearby. However, after jumping in without thinking it seemed she was situationally defeated by these things. Yeah. This was actually kind of a shitty idea.

Julius mentally sighed as Eve dived into the fray of Like-Likes. Already, he was running after her, leaving his Hookshot temporarily forgotten as he charged into and through the beast's brains, slicing his way through at least two Like-Likes on his way to his help. Honestly, with how many worms there were inside of Lord Jabu-Jabu's brains, he was surprised that the fish hadn't yet succumb to death. Messing with brains was usually the way to do that, too.

His sword turned another Like-Like's flesh to ice as his free hand wrapped around Evelyn's skin, the Like-Like entwining her and getting ready to devour her whole, like some kind of snake. His sword pierced the creature's skin, the same icy burst from his blade ensuring that it would probably stay dead. He pushed Eve low to the floor as he charged and unleashed another icy Spin Attack, taking out quite a few of the worms in a single blow.

But there were more. There always were. He threw Eve over his shoulder and began to bolt for the more solid walkway they had been on before Eve made the decision to get entangled in Like-Likes and almost die. "Well. I don't see any more legitimate Like-Likes, at least, so I guess we must have helped in some form. Maybe after we get out of here we can get a legitimate... someone to look around up here and tell us if the fish is in legitimate danger of dying before we go and figure out our next game plan."

Still baffled to the floor about the fact that they were in Jabu-Jabu's brain, Eve wondered why the creature wasn't already dead as her small frame dangled from Julius' shoulder. Maybe it was just the fact that there were so damn many of these brains inside the oversized cranial cavity. In fact, a large mass of the brains were sticking out and moving further into the cavity. Eve saw the oddly cube-shaped masses of flesh wiggling out of the grey matter. That's when she spotted something shining from behind the moving flesh. That must have been a key, strangely enough. She would have to get Julius to put her heavy ass down in order to reach it.

"Wait a second mister. My sophisticated palate is telling me there's more than enough brains in here to keep Jabu-Jabu alive while we find out why he's sick. But let me hop down I think I see something useful." she advised Julius, somehow managing to be grating and condescending even when she was being helpful.

Her yellow-coated body flopped ungracefully off the top of Julius' shoulder--for now. Evelyn made her way to the wiggling masses of flesh. The brains slapped her in the face when she got close. She was even being defeated by Jabu-Jabu now. Eve went to hit the globs of flesh with her Fist Eyes, chucking out another surrealist painting's worth of weird body horror. The flesh whacked her back like the counter-attack of one of those inflatable clowns. This was getting ridiculous, even for her. Eve knew she had a good way to get that key without making a doofus of herself more.

A truly odorous smile grew on Eve's face as she turned to look at Julius. She gave him a knowing wink as she dug around in her bag. Out of the cloth opening came a truly awful looking ragdoll. Eve held up her Ghastly Doll, which had been sewn quite a bit to resemble herself in a little purple dress. With yarn for hair and everything. A stinky chuckle came out of her as she set the Ghastly Doll down and let it crawl forward between the violent towers of flesh. So long as she had her eyes set on it, it would keep moving. This was a great opportunity, as she could actually see the other end of the room. The doll walked clumsily onto the other side of the meat blocks, and then it feverishly lifted up the Key.

"Hey if Deku Tree and Jabun are my parent and Uncle does that make Jabu-Jabu my Grand Dad?" she cheekily said as she waited for the doll to come back.

"There's lots of reasons as to why that's wrong, and I know every single one of them. First of all, Jabun's not even your real uncle. Second of all, even if Jabu-Jabu is related to Jabun, some how, his lineage would be way later down. Think of Jabu-Jabu as like..." He thought for a second, scanning around Jabu-Jabu's cranium, "I don't know exactly how old he is, but he's probably something like a nephew or whatever." Being stuck with this obnoxious Kokiri was both a blessing and a curse. The reason why was because she was useful for hitting things, and sometimes her stupidity proved to be at least decently humorous.

The doll returned to Eve. "That's a pretty handy trick," he said, noting how easy the task was for her. "Let's go unlock that door now and leave the fish to his, uh... worms." Julius was still entirely bewildered that they were a) inside of of a giant fish and b) that this giant fish apparently had a bunch of nonsensical bullshit hidden within his gullet that just so happened to make diagnosing him a challenge. But, then again, why did they get a guy in armor and a girl in a dress to diagnose a fish with an illness? There were experts in things like that, Julius was sure.

"Wait a second..." he mumbled to himself, halfway down to the Bari that was still practically literally eating shit on the floor. This entire situation was put in a new light. It's almost like the Zora chief knew that Jabu-Jabu's insides were going to be extremely hazardous by way of beasts and creatures, and that whoever would be going in there would have to be armed. "I think this entire thing may have been a set-up," he mentioned to Evelyn, as the weird throat elevator thing brought them to the door. They crossed without much incident, save Julius choosing to spare the poor Bari from a lifetime of being basically braindead. Did jellyfish even have brains? Were Bari even jellyfish?

They popped the key into the lock and proceeded further into the... well, Julius really didn't know how the hell this fish's anything was supposed to work, but he assumed it did. Or maybe, in reality, the fish was sick because it was horribly deformed and probably had an extra chromosome or something. The Goddesses' really hadn't been kind to Jabun's supposed lineage, but... Well, no one had ever heard Jabu-Jabu actually speak, as far as any of the written records he'd read had indicated. Maybe he couldn't speak because he was literally retarded.

They came to a split in the strange anatomy of the giant fish. "I'm gonna let you decide which way to go," Julius said blankly. Quite frankly, he couldn't believe that any of this was actually happening.

As they went through the... door? Evelyn looked at the flesh contorting to make a pathway. She still really hoped this creature was her Grand Dad. That would be perfect in every way. Julius asked her to decide which way to go as she fantasized about this big fish that ate her being a sort of familial figure to her. Her eyes slowly changed from fists to hearts as she was tasked with choosing which rectum to enter next. They passed many Baris on the way to the fork in the guts.

"What was that green thing back there?" Eve mentioned, referring to a weird protrusion in Jabu-Jabu's stomach.

The lack of acid was weird enough. But there was something rather tumorous piercing all the way through Jabu-Jabu. It dawned on Eve that what they were seeing was the illness, and they were being silly the entire time. Being at least several times as stupid as Julius, she figured they ought to head forward without putting much thought into the green abomination. Eve blew a small spit-bubble with her mouth. There had to be something they were missing out on.

"Oh I know where to go!" Eve intruded suddenly. "There's a really neat-o hole I just saw. It's around a bunch of other holes."

Eve led Julius back to the stomach, and pointed out with her gloved finger a load of contorting pits in the flesh of the stomach. Though it was enough to make anyone retch, Eve felt like it was a good idea to go inside one. She looked around, the large green pillar of smelly contagion staring them in the face.

"That right there. It leads somewhere, we need to go in." she posed awfully commanding.

Eve let her boots get swallowed in the contracting gut-flesh. The round opening slowly and disgustingly massaged her inside, her face remaining in the exact same expression the entire way down.

"I swear this is a good idea." she remarked.

Julius was up to his neck in the strange rectum now. "This was a horrible idea," he intoned, making his displeasure clear. He was only thankful that his helmet blocked his face from the rather meaty flesh of this fish's holes. Already, he could feel some kind of juice leaking inside of his armor, and through his raiment. Already, he could tell he was going to regret this terrible decision.

The hole spat him out with some kind of noise not unlike flatulence. "We went through the hole, and got shit out. Are you happy?" He asked Evelyn, looking around the room they were in. Some kind of green... thing.. blocked passage into what was probably deeper into the large fish's stomach; something they couldn't bypass, for now, at least. "The most annoying part isn't the inconveniencing enemies, or the insane amounts of bodily horror, or even the amount of mind-fucking horseshit that I'm only just now figuring out for myself. No, it's that getting around is an extreme fucking hassle." He dug around in his Adventure Pouch for his Hookshot, going the opposite direction of whatever was blocking the entryway.

"Here we go. Pray I don't bust an artery," he said, grabbing Eve close to him. He took aim at one of the flesh walls lining Jabu-Jabu's throat, or wherever they were, and bust straight through a Shabom that he had no idea was even there.

He immediately dropped to the floor, eardrums and head pounding both as a result of the massive force he had just taken, and because of the sheer shock of the sudden disturbance. "Fucking shit!" He yelled to himself, irate and annoyed that it was just right there. That crazy fortune teller had been right. Whoever she was-- whatever she was-- she had probably been kind of informed, or maybe she had some means of vague, prophetical divination bullshit going on in her head. Either way, she had definitely warned him about the bubbles. She had told him, and he hadn't listened.

He would have to wait a while to become something resembling combat-ready again. "Try and see if you can't get the elevator to come down here, if it isn't already on its way." His head was pounding, and he could smell blood. His teeth were vibrating, too. Shabom, it turned out, were just really inconvenient in every foreseeable way.

Eve flopped into the juicy humors pooled into the center of the throat. They may have been humors, but she wasn't laughing. Julius may have noticed that she was squeezed in-tween his hulked out arm during the trip into that Shabom. Those things packed a hell of a punch. Eve actually was bleeding now, a stream of red seeping comically out of her mouth. The blood, which was rumored to be very extremely poisonous to other creatures, began to cloud the pool of throat-fluids. If Jabu-Jabu wasn't sick before, he was going to be very soon.

Eve did listen to Julius though, and wormed her way through the mucky pool to what looked like either a switch or a goiter. She struggled her arms on top of the surface and used her whole body weight to push it down. Going so far as to sit on it, since Julius probably knew how heavy her ass was by now. The goiter switch popped with an uneasy sounding squelch. Knowing how this body-dungeon garbage worked was getting easier as they went on to newer and weirder things. Naturally, the spiky elevator thing began to descend further down. It would come in easy reach of Julius soon.

Eve coughed up some more blood, filling Jabu-Jabu's vulnerable insides with much more to worry about. She figured after she got hold of herself she would climb onto that damned elevator. Another cough was enough, and she clamored over to the platform. They ascended on the flesh anomaly to a decent height, and went back into the central hub of the stomach.

"*cough cough* Yeah I uh- I pick the right awful organ tube. Let's just go in and see what's there." she managed to say finally as the made their way into the kidney.(?)

He kept his eyes peeled as he walked through the holes in this fish's body. He wasn't going to miss another Shabom like last time. One or two were actually particularly hard to spot on their own-- but a group was surprisingly easy to spot and watch out for.

Julius spotted one such Shabom on their way to wherever in this fish's magical body. He punctured it and the sound of cannon fire rang out from it, but thankfully neither deafening nor damaging them. They continued their way to, evidently, the kidney, unmolested by the strange creatures inhabiting the fish-mass they temporarily resided within.

Massive stones lined the organ in question with an amount of fluid covering the floor. It was probably best to not clarify or even describe it, as Julius did his best to pay no attention to it. "Kidney stones. Why does this fish have so many problems?" He asked of his companion, before realizing that, for whatever reason, there was a switch. "I guess we do this like we did it in Ice Cavern. We push block on switch and make something happen. Just pray to the Goddesses that the fish doesn't explode when we press this."

He began shuffling the kidney stones around with some degree of effort. Even with the fluid covering the floor, it took some effort to grind them against the walls of muscle that composed his kidneys, and he was decently certain that they were harming the fish in some capacity. They had messed around in its noggin, possibly giving it worse brain damage than it already had, and now were pushing enormous stones of hardened calcium or some other vague mineral around in a very important spot in its body. Julius wasn't sure is anyone needed to know about this. He decided they didn't.

He took another look at the switch, all of his prior block pushing having evidently been entire pointless to their cause. "What I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna push that block," he pointed to the nearest one, "to this switch, and it'll make the thing that's supposed to happen happen." He walked over to the block and did exactly as he said he was going to.

Actually, Julius was more than certain that what he had just crushed was some kind of tumor, or possibly a hemorrhoid, but he wasn't a doctor so he couldn't really tell. But, once it finished squelching and blood stopped kind of leaking from it, a chest appeared somewhere in the room. "Fuck. Let's hope we don't kill him before we get out of here," he said more to himself than Eve, and headed over to the chest.

A brown pouch was within the chest. Julius peered within, only to find... several bombs within. "Holy shit," he exclaimed, cautiously stowing it away, "I don't know who sealed that away in here, let alone why, but we have to be careful to not let one of these detonate in here, alright?" He knew they would probably stop caring about that some time soon, but it was at least worth a shot for now.

Eve arched her body around one of the huge kidney stones. She mounted the stone with her arms crossed and her legs apart, as if sitting on a backwards chair to level with everyone. Everyone was just Julius right now but that wasn't going to ruin this pristine story-time. She cleared her throat, making it known that she was ready to start talking.

"Once I was sailing the seas, I met a man just like you. A man who was dedicated to putting life and love into crafting deadly weapons. Though, you're a law man so I should call them tools for defending the innocent or something. Anyway, super deadly weapons with really fancy designs. He clearly spent the later half of his life doing nothing but focus on his craft. If you had the amount of time he had, I think without a doubt you could do what he could do. He just was that good." she said, beginning to struggle with her words. Even words like "ornate" weren't in her vocabulary, so it was becoming difficult.

"He was in a long line of smiths from a far-off kingdom. It was mere chance that I came across his shop. When I went inside, treasures of untold glory dotted the walls. Except their glory is told now. Then I happened upon the center of his shop, where I saw something. It was a shape bright like the sun, almost too brilliant to look at. There, high in the center was an amazing blade with a guard shaped just like the sun and a blade gleaming like a razor. It was the most inspiring thing ever, so I asked him on the spot to forge me a weapon." she continued, still not being that incredibly creative with her words.

Eve slid out of her bag her most-used weapon, which Julius probably noticed back when she probably brandished it in the Ice Cavern. It was a rather long handled hammer, the end a bit like a sledge hammer but big enough to be feasibly used as a weapon for breaching armor. The savage weapon had been her companion for an awfully long time. Her arms were toned pretty well from adjusting her stance and swinging it around so many times. It was the kind of weapon you used your whole body to move, and attacked as if you were throwing something uncomfortably big to get rid of it. The smith's marking was a testament to this, an anchor. The anchor reflected the foolhardy trip Eve took, held back by the hammer and its wonky fighting style.

"So I had him forge this, its golden color and sturdy metal resemble how great I am. The anchor probably means how tough I am. I hit a lot of things with it all the time. You should make better things though, I want you to make something as good as that blade he made. Something even better than his blade! You should make it shoot beams or something." she paused, unsure.

"His probably shot beams too. Yours should do something even better than that. I think you should spend more time practicing after we fix this fish. I think a good start would be telling him to stop having this many stones."

"I have heard... tales, of those who descend from long lines of swordsmiths and such scattered throughout the world; it wouldn't surprise me if at least a few of them settled somewhere on the open seas. But still... It raises the question of precisely where he got materials for his weapons from; and, by extension, whether or not he obtained them himself. Knowing how to make and how to use such things are entirely different, either all, but I already know that such talk is boring to you," he ended, walking back to where the path split. "Maybe the other way has some kind of answer to our problems in this fish."

As they rounded the... corner? It wasn't really a corner, it was just where some flesh simply decided to not be present or something. Julius was honestly very perturbed and even somewhat frightened by what was going on inside this fish. Anyways. As they entered into the next organ (probably), Julius couldn't help but seeing a huge, green... tentacle? flailing around from above wherever they were in the fish's body. "Say, if we were just in the kidney, does that make this his adultney?" There was no hint of humor in his voice as he fished out his Boomerang, tossing the flaming mess where he could see it would have a lot of trouble resisting its motion. He was sure that the gale enchantment on the thing helped too; while it was otherwise basically just dull wood, he was sure that the wind provided some kind of cutting edge. Maybe.

He wasn't actually sure of too much any more, not after what he had seen happen inside of this fish. It was pretty seriously messing with his mind right now; so much so, in fact, that he almost didn't catch the boomerang on its return path to him. "I honestly just want to get out of this fish," he told Eve, who was no doubt wishing the same thing right about now. "Let's hurry up and see if we can't find the bigger problem in here. That was probably a lot of it; but there's probably more stuff deeper in." He was sure that they would get out of this place soon. Absolutely certain.

Eve just kind of shrugged off her responsibility to take a breather and watch Julius own this tentacle thing. The parasite, when struck in the weak point, would be severed and exposed from the inside. Not only was this a good way to contract a good length of it out of Jabu-Jabu's insides, but the center of it being exposed to a potent fire spell also began to char it from within. The pieces of the parasite began to disconnect and scatter, the falling bits catching fire as well and becoming ash. This created a chain reaction, removing a large amount of the parasite's tissue along the whole length it weaved through. Eve tried not to breathe in the parasite smoke, which wouldn't blend well with her lungs. She thought so, anyway.

They made their way out of the adultney, and back into the squishy tube things. Eve confidently strode, feeling unnecessarily accomplished. As she raised her arm in front of herself again in her ridiculous swagger walk, she bumped into the puckered flesh of the digestive wall next to her. Another, well hidden sphincter opened and pretty much swallowed her in entirely. What mysterious presents would this turd shaft reveal to her? Reasonably, the only presents at the end of this stinky tube would be actual crap. But, even stranger, instead of poopy, she would find roopy.

For the veiny fart chute to lead to something that made sense was simply too much to ask for, she instead was shat out into a sort of secret loot room. The lavish cubic room had flesh that was rather like velvet to the touch, and smelled actually pleasant. Within this anomaly of digestive functions, was of course a very flat and evenly distributed little grid of roopy rupees. But Eve ran a bit too excitedly to the end to grab as many as she could carry. The one rupee she did grab to start with was connected to something stiff. The gem wailed and flailed as it was pushed out of the flesh among the huge length of a Like-Like. Eve was tossed away by the Roopy-Like. She wasn't gonna let another Like-Like make a fool out of her.

"Hold on tin man I can take this guy." she said presumably to Julius who would probably be interested in saving her from digestion or checking the room by now.

The rupees scattered messily across the floor as they both circled each other. Grimy and hungry, the Like-Like didn't waste too much time trying to open up to try to swallow Eve like the last one had. Eve took great joy again at the chance to finally use another one of her dumb items for something useful. She summoned an average sized pumpkin from her Harvest Ring and used it to jam the Like-Like's mouth-opening. She dragged her hammer, and with the aforementioned full-body twisting motion she slammed the enemy. Her spin had a more precise movement since her enemy was stuck in a very immobile position. Julius would probably see her smashing a fake pumpkin to pieces as her weapon tore through parts of the Like-Like. With a coup-de-grace she smashed the wounded Like-Like dead.

Julius looked on as Eve smashed a fake pumpkin to pieces. Of course, he didn't really register this; instead, he was more focused on why there was a well-hidden chamber filled with rupees, and why there was also a Rupoor hidden within as well. It honestly just didn't make nay sense.

But by now he should have been used to things in this gigantic fish not making sense, because they well and truly didn't. So he started throwing his boomerang, scooping up all the rupees as it returned to him. "This'll be great for later," he said, more to himself than anyone, and continued to stockpile vasts amount of rupees from Jabu's body. "It's really insane as to how much cash this fish has inside of him," he said,, really not paying attention to anything Eve was doing. All he noticed was that she was done fighting the Rupoor she had gotten tangled with. "You'll get your share later. Let's head back down to where that parasite was blocking the door." He was confident that they would be out soon.

Soon.

The word echoed inside his head like a promise that went unfulfilled. He knew that it would take quite a bit longer to begone from the mind-shattering anatomy of this creature. He didn't have any trouble explaining as to why it bothered him so much but not Eve; she was probably already insane to begin with, so it didn't really matter what she saw. They headed out of the kidneys and into the little stomach area again, but this time Julius convinced Eve to not use the sphincters or whatever they were to access the level below them. "Let's just use the elevator thing," he said, walking clear past everything in that room.

They drifted down, deeper into his monstrous gullet, and eventually barged right into the room they sought. "Follow me," he told the help, knowing that she had literally no armor whatsoever. If there were any electric enemies beyond where the now-wilted tentacle monster had been set up, then it would probably spell even worse injuries for Julius than what he had sustained already. But what mattered more to him was that it would mean getting the fuck out of this fish. So he would gladly lead the way into what would probably be some kind of peril, if it meant leaving and never having to return.