Desert Colossus - Raz 'n Squish (IT IS FINISHED)

Sayomi was almost jumping with excitement at her new mission, sure it was just another patrol and clear in an Farore forsaken place, but she'd actually see combat this time and she had another member to show up.

So she ran like an idiot into the temple without regard for traps, ambushes or uneven tiles to trip on. Of course the last was the only one that she suffered and immediately after she hit the ground, two pots wizzed over head toward the entrance; so much for the ambush and traps getting that chick.

Other than a spinning blade, there seemed to be nothing of danger in the room, before a ghostly voice could be heard echoing through the hall; "Adventurers, I am the spirit of this temple, dedicated to protecting it from the evils of this world. I have failed and- wait, haven't I done this before? Damn it, at 14 363 I'm too old for this shit, maybe I'll retire to the twilight realm, always something interesting there... Oh? What? Yes, Ahhem, slay these foul monsters and my blessing will be upon you, as well as the more material blessing found within."

Glory, treasure, and old ghosts? This just kept getting better! Sayomi ran forward, finding a small hole to be the only way forward. No matter for such a knight! She'd just have to crawl through it and beat up the bad guys on the other side... Well after she got unstuck from it.

Less than two minutes in and already the knight was defeated by the dangers (just go with it) of the temple.

Sayomi grunted and squeaked as she struggled to free herself. She squiggled and twisted herself in a vain attempt to free herself (Although the plate armor on her bum somehow managed.) and she only succeeded in giving Guzol a good show.

She took a few deep breaths as she began to give up on freeing herself, the temple had already crushed Say's hopes of freedom and glory, without even a monster appearing. She allowed to her head to fall as death overtook her... soon... any second now... must've gotten stuck with the various monsters inside, give him some time... DIN DAMN IT! DIE ALREADY!

Ohhh wait, my bad. Forget that last bit, her clumsiness saves her; kinda. Her head hangs between her shoulders, mere inches from the ground before it suddenly hits. Suddenly freedom was hers! If the spreading cracks didn`t take it again!

Like a bat outta hell (Or a hole in the wall as it was) Sayomi crawled forward vigorously to escape the collapsing passage; there was no way back now, or a way to explain why the temple they were supposed so secure began collapsing.

Ohhhh well, another time another place.

Sayomi couldn't help but smile as Guzol began to play the lute, she had always found the instrument calming and uplifting, almost as if she weighed less. She even had time to enjoy the music for there was little in the hallway besides a few spinning blades, easily avoided.

And then he started singing...

Well at least she just ignore the bat-monkey-esque screeches he called vocals and concentrate on the lute. Then he brought up his most pleasant view ( Perv) of her butt. With blushing red cheeks, the girl went into a flurry of embarrassment and confusion "No- You- I di- Tha-... Pervert!" She yelled, and stomped away.

Suddenly, she realized she still felt lighter, and so began jumping around and grabbing random parts of her body to try and find out what. Sword, check; Rupees, check; Book, check; klutziness, takes a miracle to uncheck; armor, cheeeeee..." Upon grabbing herself, she realized that her bottom lacked the protection afforded to the rest of her. That could only compound the embarrassment felt earlier.

Her cheeks turned bright red from this new development, and without realizing what she was doing blurted out: "WHERE'S MY ASS ARMOR!?"

Sayomi smiled smugly as she moved through the door, "Even I could've thought of opening the door." She mocked, sticking her tongue out at him. Of course, a Stalfos fell from the ceiling right then, knocking Sayomi on her bum; a position she was all too familiar with. This time however, it hurt, lacking the protection afforded to the rest of her body.

"Every-Time!" She screams at the skeleton, as angry with it as herself. And angry she was. She pushed herself up off the ground and toward it's falling sword, bringing her own up just in time for a parry. Their blades locked for but a moment as Say threw his to the side as it withdrew, allowing for but a single stroke which scraped against the steel of it's shield. Leaving an opportunity it just couldn't refuse...

The undead thrust it's weapon toward her, saved only by her armor the knight grabs it's wrist and forces the arm past, bringing her fist down on it's face. Only a full jump back broke her grip, leaving them several feet apart as energy flowed into her sword...

Say looked jealously at Guzol, she was totally going to kill it like a boss. But then he stole all the glory with a spear to the face. The anger was beginning to well up inside her, managing to hold herself back, only a hint of jealousy escaped into her words. "Fine, but you'd better make it a nice place!"

As he turned his back, Say brought the sword close to her face and whispered "You'd better not- You're still charged aren't you?" A smirk crossed her face as she thought of a plan.

As Guzol moved toward the edge, Say unleashed her spin attack with the flat of her blade, knocking him just off the edge and making him grab on for dear life; as Say casually walked up. "Now who got that skelet- WOOOOAH!" she screamed as she slipped off a loose rock, knocking her off the edge and kicking Guzol down; who was now grabbing Say's feet.

"NO FAIR! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN?!"

Sayomi's face squinted and almost seemed to twitch as she tried to think of a come-back to the quick-witted Guzol, too bad he didn't have the wit to escape this himself. "W-wha-well are you trying to show me... Your face?!"

She quickly turned away from her rival, instead distracting herself by saving their lives. Using her dagger to anchor herself into the cracks on the stone floor, she used her other hand to slowly pull herself up; A tiring and painstaking process considering she had another fully armed and armoured guard hanging off her legs and staring up at her bum.

A momentary rest for the blue (in armor and color of her face) knight after she was safe and sou- HEY! He can pull himself up!

Anyway, while laying there catching her breath she saw the bridge to cross the chasm... up and with the switch carefully placed behind it, a difficult shot if ever there was one.

Say just walked across the bridge with her head held high, she was starting to figure out that she just couldn't beat him in a battle of wit(ty comments) and moved through the next door without so much as a glance back to what was sure to follow her.

In front of her was a thin walk-way with a sharp spiny bit half-way and a monster at the other end, a dry, cracked, but still massive mummy. She raised her hand to her chin, Hmmmm, how could she get across... Then it hit her (No, not the spike you doltz!).

Laying down on the ground and straddling the walk-way, she pulled along the edge of the stone with her hands and pushed off with her feet, all in quick succession. Of course, to anyone who didn't know exactly what she had planned (which is everyone but her) it would look like she should've at least bought the rock dinner first with the way her hips were moving against it.

Still, it moved her the length of i- oh right the sharp bit, that might take a bit more than suggestive thrusts...

After reaching the half-way point, Sayomi was greeted by another one of her wonderful idea, as she approached the killy thingy, the let her grip go and lunge toward it, grabbing it instead. To her surprise (should she really be surprised?) it worked, and pulled her along; all too well. And that's the thing, a spikey ball of death moving at high speed isn't the best way to get around, especially as it slams you into a stone wall twice a second.

Still, after a few rounds, she managed to grab the other side and hump along it till the end. This left only the mummy in the way, and a quick, uncharacteristic helmsplitter put it behind her... Ohhh but not dead. The abomination howled in pain toward the girl who, momentarily startled by it, reacted by head butting it; hard.

"Owwwwwww..." she moaned as the thing fell down the chasm, "Riiiiight, I was supposed to kick that"

Sayomi cried out as Guzol ripped apart her accomplishment, "Nu uh! It was a skeleton! It just had a lot of band-aids on! And fine, you fall down the bottomless pit and see if it's still alive!" she protested. And quickly walked past him into the next room, intent on killing at least the next skeleton. Inside though, she was disappointed. There was another bridge up, but at least the switch was easily in reach.

Even across the chasm there was no resistance, only a single chest with a Goron bracelet and blue rupee within. The next room seemed to be just as disappointing, as it was large and open with only sun relief in the floor being only identifying feature.








That is until 3 skeletal lizalfoses dropped around them.

Sayomi only smiled as Guzol shouted his claim to them, as he hadn't really done anything yet; plenty of time for a rival to steal them.

She scanned the three for how much armor on the head each of them had, while only the one in full plate had any. This only made her more anxious to carry out her master plan (of beating Guzol).

She jumped as high as she could manage over one before loosing a wicked slash to the back of it's neck, severing the head and killing it instantly. The knight was celebrating in her head, too early, as the up-side-down head came crashing down right in her arms.

"Eww Eww Eww!" She shrieked, hitting it up with each of her arms like a sick, strange version of hacky-sack. "It's Grooohohoss!" finally hitting it up and away from her and toward the nearest wall.

In the time Say was preoccupied with the head, it's living and very much angry comrade had begun charging and by the time Sayomi noticed it was far too late to do anything about it...

Thankfully some random Lizalfos skull feel from the heavens and Bonked it's head good. The undead abomination crumpled to the ground, near dead when more falling debris crushed it under the stone slab recently dislodged by an unusual flying organ (or UFO for short). Light flooded the room and the mysterious stone emblem lit up and spun, seemingly unlocking the door in the process.

"YAAY! Falling down is now good! Which means I'm the best!"