Honor:Astetic Name: Raltus Age: 16 Gender: Male Race: Zora Place of Origin: Zora's Domain PWC: 1/3/2 Treasures: N/A Height: 5'4" Weight: 120 lbs Equipment: Raltus has a brown silk robe that is long and gray cloth ribbons. He also has a vast assortment of books, but normally only caries a few in his light brown satchel. Appearance: Raltus has light blue skin that due to being moist most of the time can appear to look as if it is silk. His head is rounded and doesn't have any scars on it. He has a calming presence in his eyes which are an emerald color, but within the right lighting can appear to have a brown tint to them; generally this lighting is a darker one. His body is very lanky due to him being thin. He has a curved posture and even when standing straight his spinal cord curves upon when it hits his upper abdomen area and goes till it reaches his pelvis. He has thin legs and wide feet. His legs are thin enough to see his kneecaps even through clothing. His silk robes cover him from his shoulders down to his ankles and the sleeves go to his wrists. The robes sit very loosely on his body normally the slake of an area going well past its stopping point. To help this from not showing he wears his gray cloth on his ankles and wrists to tie down the slake and are arranged in a way to make them looks as if they are bandages. Personality: Raltus is a bookworm normally staying inside his house reading, and even when he is up and about around his house his face is still inside of a book. He has the tendency to meander around when in deep thought or deep into a book. He hates having his train of thought wreaked by someone interfering with his pacing. He has very few urges for adventure, do to his fathers disappearance and anything concerning his father he walks away from, not wanting to face the fact that his father is most likely dead. Though insults upon his father are the easiest way to, for lack of a better term, piss him off. When someone insults his father he generally uses fire to injure the person but is never going to kill. He has a strong sense of family and loves his mother, and deep down has hope that his father is still out there somewhere. Residence:A medium sized cavern within the Zora Domain. Usually well lit by candles and next to his bed, which is in the back, is a book case filled with books, some he acquired himself, and others were gifts his father had gotten for him on his travels. Pet:N/A Backstory: Raltus was born in a loving family, introduced to the glories of books from a young age. His father was normally out and he always was excited when he returned normally baring gifts for him and his mother. The gift he got was normally a new book and until he was 7 this went on. His father would leave and he'd be reading and even playing with most of the other Zora children, then his father would return with gifts generally books for him with the occasional toy; but when he was seven his father had gone away but never returned. After awhile he was presumed dead, and his mother was left devastated, and to hide from this fact he hide himself in his books. Reading and rereading many of the same books. As his mother got better, he did not. He never talked to him mother about his father and eventually acted as if he never had a father to begin with. He would go to Hyrule-Castle town for a new book about once a month and that was about it. Of course as he got older the books he got became thicker. His mother had eventually stopped trying to get him to talk about his dad and just accepted that it had scared him emotionally as badly as it did her, the difference being their age. On one travel to the market a vendor was having a sale on robes in which he bought his normal attire along with his satchel. He heard about the academy and at first he didn't really want to go but his mother convinced him saying that it would be good if he got out more often and even make friends. Something he didn't have since he was younger when he abandoned others for books.
Sorry for the delay on this, there was a small amount of confusion as to who was going to grade this, but I will be taking it now since you are applying for Ascetic. First and foremost, you need to check your spelling, grammar, and sentence structure. At this point it's just legitimately unenjoyable to try and read, so please go through it and read it out loud until it sounds correct. You should also probably make sure you spell Ascetic correctly. Now to the bulk of it. I'm going to go through the easy to fix issues before tackling the larger ones, but I find both to be important. Being five feet and four inches and weighing 120 pounds wouldn't make him lanky, it would actually be quite the opposite, making him short and stocky. With that weight you're going to need to add at least 6-8 inches before you get to that point. There are several elements of realism I take issue with, regarding the entire character. Firstly, you state that Raltus made monthly exhibitions to Hyrule Castle Town as early as about the age of ten. The journey between the two locations is about 100 miles, so not only would it take about 1-2 weeks each way, it seems highly unlikely he would survive on a regular basis, especially since, as a Zora, he needs to hydrate often. What seems even more confounding is the fact that his mother would allow him to do this. Finally, we're talking about a perpetually moist humanoid that lives in a silk robe and reads paper books. Silk is easily destroyed by water and doesn't retain it well, if I recall properly. Paper books obviously would have some issues as well, but yet the entire character is centered around them. It seems like it would work much better if he was simply a Hylian, given that there's nothing about him that's particularly necessary to make him a Zora over. So that's the nitpicky/realism stuff you'd get even if this wasn't a Hylian Honor character. But since you ARE applying him in that field, I'm afraid even more must be said on the subject. HH characters, especially Ascetic, require that the character be very fleshed out and consistent within itself, on top of those things I already listed. You put a lot of emphasis on the kids' relationship with his father being taken away, but it feels kind of rushed and not fully thought-out. Losing a father would be traumatizing, but given that the man was hardly around to begin with and was more like an uncle that just gives presents away, is that really enough to throw Raltus into depression for the rest of his life? Especially going through early teen years, people tend to at least learn a way to cope and break out of it, one way or another. You say he doesn't like to adventure, but he still ventures off to go to the gigantic city on his own on a regular basis. While this idea could work, you have to consider the repercussions and implications it evokes. Is his mother so disconnected she doesn't even care about him perishing on a journey like that? Does he develop a love for the world by traveling to see it? A dislike for the Zora's Domain? Does he ever think about trying to go find his father? Another point is his interest in academia which is largely unexplained. You say he becomes much of a recluse after the disappearance of his father and that it led to him... reading. A pretty strange habit for a Zora, really. We know they're intelligent creatures, but we don't really have many indicators to say that they often, easily become book-junkies. The fact that it's not explained why he chose this path over something else is kind of bothering and seems very unfitting to the race. If you can explain why he became a book-worm, besides just you wanting a character who is one, then I am also forced to ask for the effects this has on the rest of his life. Does he have any sort of social life? What type of people does he spend his time with? Why would people really know about his father to begin with? You say he would harm people who insult his dad, but would someone who spends all his time reading really have the capability to pull that off with ease? It seems mostly like something thrown in there for effect, to make him powerful despite every part of him indicating he would be the opposite of that. Finally, and certainly most significantly, though, this cannot be passed into the Hylian Honor system as it stands because of one major glaring issue: the character, as it stands, has no real flaws. His life has experienced some turbulence, and that's fine, but ultimately it just produced this kind of damaged and quiet (is he? I don't even know because the personality doesn't tell me) Zora who just likes to read. I'm fine with simple concepts, but there's a lot going on to take him to this place that I would like to know much more about his personality. Is he a coward, perhaps, because of what might happen if he ventured too far? Is he bitter at people, because he's not had a healthy relationship since the loss of his dad? You say he's easily provoked to anger about his dad, but what about the rest of his life? As always, these questions are not necessarily meant to all be answered but rather put you on the right track for fleshing out the character further. If you feel the changes to make this Ascetic quality would be too great, then you may simply edit it based on the first issues I listed. Please edit the original character sheet with any changes you would make and then notify me with a new post below.
