Wiki was not going to stand for some guy bullshiting around right outside her recently acquired living space. Not only that, she was not going to stand for being insulted right when she had just crawled out of a fucking hole in the wall. She stood up, patted her cloak, and took a deep breath. "Wow... wow, holy shit," Wiki began. However, she couldn't really find the words for what she wanted to say right away, instead, motioning silently with her hands until she could find the proper verbiage. "You by far are probably, the worst... no, just the worst. The literal, actual worst." "You know, not only do you call me stupid, you're doing it while looking like a complete idiot yourself," Wiki said, beginning to move the rock in front of the hole in the wall. She went back to making eye contact with whoever this faceless loser was. "No, seriously. Hello, Mr. Edgy-fucking-Darklord? The eighth grade called, they want their fashion sense and illusions of grandeur back." - if Wiki was anything, she was a hypocrite - "I could probably skate circles around whatever you call that excuse you have for an intelligence." A dirty hypocrite. "I wouldn't pay your little game if you paid me in strippers and vodka," she spat on the ground. "I know a scam when I see one, and yours is sort of a pathetic set up." ... She... she was still wondering why the Hylian was set up in a cave, though. Wait, shit, yeah the logic was not following through on that one. Was she imagining things because she hadn't slept in who knew how long? Was she high? Maybe Guy had slipped a mushroom to the cat she had just finished consuming when she had brought him through her home. Shit. Fucking stoner piece of shit. [twist pictobox pls thnx]
Throughout this rambling nonsense, the boy sat quietly, his faceless face transfixed on her. As Wiki finally turned away, she abruptly beheld a colossal jar... no a bottle... of glass, blocking the entrance to her home, nearly ten feet tall. Wafting out of its open mouth was the potent stench of alcohol. Wiki felt a cool breeze, suddenly realizing she was... not in her cloak anymore. No, her wooden body was exposed, wrapped only in a tiny black thong and bra seemingly made for Hylians. As she turned around to see the boy, he was surrounded on either side by numerous hooting, hairy, greasy Hylian men shouting at Wiki to take her top off, to dance, and so forth. The sky was black--no, there was no sky. She was suddenly inside, on a stage, standing in front of a giant bottle of vodka. She had suddenly become a stripper--or, no, made to look like one. The room was filled with a pinkish smoke, as Pictographs flashed beneath her, fire and cold fire dancing beneath the stage in various colors. Beyond it all, she couldn't... she couldn't get herself to move off the stage, trapped as if in a cage. The voice of a young boy rang in the back of her mind. He sounded genuinely disappointed, "Are you sure you won't want to play? It would be impossible for me to appear to a mask if the face did not desire it..." Only then did Wiki seem to notice the desk was sitting on the edge of the stage, waiting for her, seemingly unnoticed by the crowd that had now gathered around her.
Confusion was soon overridden by anger. She had to have been tripping, the only thing keeping her from a psychotic episode was the fact she could probably blame it on Guy poisoning her food. He would, he fucking would. Fuck Guy. Guy was dead for doing this bullshit. In the rare case it wasn't Guy's fault, this kid was dead. His mother was dead. His mother's mother was dead. Everything that had ever come into contact with this child was dead. Everyone was dead. Literally fucking everyone. Every single person in this universe would burn. Wiki did not care if she went out with it too. Any universe that allowed this bullshit to take place was not one worth preserving. The Goddesses were dead and we killed them. Wiki wished for the agonizing death of every single living being in the universe. That's all she wanted right now. Fuck. At least Hylian women attempted to smell nice. She stomped over to the kid. Wiki didn't give a shit about what she was wearing. She changed all the fucking time in public, she was honestly just concerned that anyone could find this remotely attractive. She literally had no tits. There was no fucking purpose for her to be wearing a bra. Hylian undergarments were made for for women with saggy sacks of bloated milk meat hanging from their chest. "Fine, holy shit," Wiki said, stomping over to the table. Realistic as fuck trip aside, Wiki couldn't wait until she sobered and found her room completely destroyed because she didn't have a proper sober monitor. Guy was an asshole. Fuck him. "I'll 'play' your game, here, have some of my 'rupees', because obviously I'm not going to fucking come to in a few hours and store this mental trauma deep down where no one can ever fucking find it." She flipped him off. Even if he was just a drug induced illusion, it made her feel better.
Wiki abruptly felt her extended finger severed, sap gushing out of it. Without much fanfare, the wheel began to slowly spin on its own. As it did so, the crowd gradually began to thin out... Swarms of negative comments filled the air, including, "What kind of show is this?" and "I didn't come here to see a Deku girl injure herself..." and "Jeez, is she insane...?" Finally, the wheel came to a stop, and the entire strip club was gone. The desk, and the lad behind it, vanished. The wheel itself fell flat on the ground, and onto it suddenly dumped Wiki's Pictograph. Had it not been securely stored in her cloak? Wait... she wasn't in her cloak... she was still in that skimpy outfit. "How you see the world will be reflected in the Pictographs this box takes. That is all." What exactly did that mean, Wiki couldn't be certain. Testing it out would reveal that Hylians were particularly ugly when reflected by this box, and that Sienna was particularly beautiful. Wiki herself, of course, looked perfect in every selfie she would take. The world in its entirety seemed... darker, and sadder somehow. Some day, she might realize that this effect was merely an Illusion, and if the illusion on a pictograph was somehow broken, it would return to looking like a normal pictograph. "Should you desire a normal pictograph, then simply photograph this box's reflection. The light will break itself, and return to normal."
"FUCK," she screeched, cradling her now bleeding hand. Holy shit was she glad she hadn't flipped him off with the hand she used to pull back her bow with. "YES, YES I AM PROBABLY INSANE," she screeched to one of the disgruntled illusionary patrons. What a great fucking trip this was. She had probably knocked her finger up against one of the knifes she stole. This is why Wiki absolutely needed a sober monitor. .. Did Great Fairies fix amputations? Probably, but it's not like Wiki was planning on trying to find one anytime soon. Fuck it, if she lost a finger in a bad trip it's just a finger. She had done worse to her body on accident. It's not like it was a thumb. She could concern herself with fixing it later. And then she realized that it wasn't a bad trip. That this guy was definitely real and definitely the one responsible for her losing a finger. Prick. She looked down at herself and felt her sap begin to boil. Nope. Absolutely not. Absolutely fucking not. She was not losing her cloak to this piece of shit trickster or whoever the fuck he was (maybe she was still tripping, probably was.) She was counting down from a hundred in her head, but despite her best efforts she wasn't calming down. World will be reflected in the Pictograph the box takes? It that was true, she bet if she took a picture of that guy he'd look like a giant faggot. She carefully put the Pictograph box onto the ground. Wiki inhaled deeply. Three... two... on-- She ripped off her garments and screeched, SCREECHED, before beginning her assault on whatever was close by (the wall) and blacking out in a rage (probably banged her head). Peace Wiki.
