Spooky Scary Shadow Skeletons

It had taken her a day to trek to Kakariko, but as Wiki stepped cautiously through the graveyard of the village she felt a renewed sense of vigor. Of course, she knew there were treasures hidden in the graves, but she had another purpose for being here. (Besides, she didn't have a shovel.) The Deku took her time perusing through the graveyard, looking at the graves and reading the names and dates. She didn't care much about the dead, but occasionally she let out an audible laugh at a dumb name or a bad quote etched into a tombstone.

Wiki eventually found her way to the back of the graveyard. She looked over her shoulder once, twice, three times before spitting into her hands and rubbing them together. With a surprising amount of dexterity, Wiki jumped onto the wall in front of her and began to scale the wall in front of her. As Wiki swung her feet over the fence and jumped down, she failed to realize that part of her cloak snagged on the wood. She jumped, only to be forcefully pulled back by her caught cloak, causing her to fall face first onto the ground below her.

While uttering obscenities she ripped the cloak from the confines of the fence and stood up quickly, glancing around to see if anyone new had entered the area. If Dekus could blush, she certainly would be doing so out of embarrassment, but luckily Dekus are made out of wood and not squishy useless flesh.

She entered into the cavern, finding herself surrounded by torches and a sealed door. She stared at the door stoically for a few moments before squinting her eyes in annoyance.

Whoever designed this place was a moron.

...Holy fuck. Guy barely kept from saying the words aloud.

As soon as he had heard someone approaching the door, he had done what any brave warrior would do--scurry to a dark spot on the ceiling and hide. His feet remained anchored to the stone roof thanks to his trusty Wall-Walking trick. He was now doubly grateful for taking this course of action. Wikitoria was someone he never needed--never wanted to ever cross paths with again. Perhaps what was so terrifying was that he couldn't even remember why he wanted to avoid her so desperately. Indeed, whatever horrific act she took had been blocked from his own memory. Hopefully she would just go away... He had business to attend to here, and--

"What is the matter?!" A tiny Minish voice shouted from Guy's pocket. "Who could that bee?!"

"...Really," Guy muttered. As if it hadn't been obvious enough before, Guy reminded himself that taking this fellow along was a terrible idea--no matter how badly he wanted to come.

Floating down out of the frozen and hopefully invisible (but probably now stupid-looking) Deku's pocket came one deluded Minish, wrapped in the bright yellow-and-black garbs of his bee brethren. He hovered effortlessly over to the strange wooden lass and introduced himself plainly, "I would bee Buzzari Bugman, madam. My clever associate and I are embarking on a most extreme quest, which I beelieve will be full of peril and wonder!" His sing-song little voice was as cherry as ever, an earnest smile on his little face, "May I ask your name, miss?"

I'm invisible, Guy focused intently. If he focused hard enough, maybe it would be true... Damn Magic Cape never works anymore.

Thinking she was alone was the first mistake. Wiki spun around to find whatever direction the admittedly small shout had come from. The stone reflected sound too well for her to be able to pinpoint the direction of the noise, but finding the voice's origin became a nonissue when a small, insect like creature brought itself into plain view in front of her. Her first instinct was to swat at it, especially since she mistook it for a bee at first, but when she realized it was sentient she lowered her open palm.

"Buz..." Wiki began to speak, but for once she found herself at a loss for words. She stared at the Minish, taking in its strange aesthetics. The tiny creature's cheery tone bothered her on a fundamental level, but she had bigger concerns on her mind: What a ridiculous name. Who would curse their child with such a name? What awful parents. Wiki shook her head, snapping herself back into reality and her blank expression vanished in an instant, scowling at the small creature. "Companion?"

Wiki scanned the room carefully until her eyes fell upon the Deku hiding on the ceiling. Her angry expression faded into one of pure boredom, an exasperated noise escaping her mouth. This guy again... whatever his name was. She glanced back to Buzzari.

"It's Wiki," she said, attempting to flick the Minish away from her, "So now you and your 'associate' with the bad haircut can go ahead and buzz off."

Damned if these two punks were going to take what she had already called dibs on.

Guy sighed heavily, flipped off the ceiling, and landed with a thud. Standing up, he looked at Wiki with callous indifference. His shoulders shrugged, "What a clever pun. You two would get along." He smirked, "We'll buzz off as soon as you light the torches." She was probably here to find some secret power to destroy the world. Or at least murder a few Gorons. All he wanted was to get his damn Hover Boots working again--this was, after all, where he first found them, ages ago.

Buzzari looked between the two Scrubs with a bit of confusion. "I think she may--"

"Buzzari, don't worry about it." Guy's eyes remained fixed idly on Wiki's. He wondered if he could take her in a fight. It's not as if either of them would fight clean, but... he didn't have Goron Armor at the moment, so his disadvantage would be obnoxiously huge. Could she use spells without that staff?

The puzzled expression on the face of the floating Minish faded into his usual curious smirk. The bee mage floated off over to his associate once more, deciding to settle near his shoulder this time.

"Light th--" Wiki glanced around. Of course Hylians would think that lighting torches was a good way to open a door and would design this sort of dumb puzzle. However, she visibly hesitated. Even she could admit that her magic hadn't been the best since she lost her staff in that poker game. It was dumb to bet it, sure, but she was drunk and thus her (very) rare moment of stupidity couldn't be held against her. Right? Right.

She turned away from the pair, eyes darting around a bit before deciding what to do. After a few moments of stalling she inhaled deeply and pointed at the ground under one of the torches. The familiar aura of magic appeared and moments later the room was illuminated by a burst of flame. The column of fire rocketed the torch off the ground, slamming it into the ceiling above with a loud bang. The noise broke Wiki's concentration and the pillar disappeared an instant later. The torch fell to the ground and onto its side, but the material in the torch had been lit and was now burning slowly on the stone floor.

Wiki refused to turn around. She figured that if she took one look at the presumably smug expression that Deku had on his face she would jump on him in a rage and shove her thumbs in his eyes. At least she had some semblance of self control. She was nearly shaking with anger and embarrassment and she clenched and unclenched her fists in an attempt to calm herself down.

Guy smirked--at least as much as a Deku could smirk, anyway. At first he assumed she was just showing off, but that enraged embarrassment on her face was too delicious for him to not realize she had become completely incompetent. He hadn't. Maybe he could win a fight, after all... so long as she didn't get the jump on him...

Idly, Guy handed a matchstick-sized piece of burning shrapnel to Buzzari.--"Don't burn yourself"--before grabbing one of the burning sticks and darting to the other torches. These stupid puzzles always had torches that went out annoyingly fast, after all.

In a moment, the door was rumbling open. Guy mumbled loudly to his bee-sized associate. "Oh, I guess it still works even if you DESTROY half the puzzle."

"You mean that wasp not how it was supposed to bee?"

"...Damnit, Buzzari," Guy mumbled.

He gave a half-glance back towards Wiki. Hopefully, she had no intentions of going inside--or of murdering him. Both situations would end badly for all parties involved. Regardless, he unsheathed his fancy little shortsword and sauntered inside, his eyes paying nearly as much attention to the danger behind him as the danger ahead.

Wiki continued to stare at the burning flames, listening to the conversation taking place behind her. The comment from the other Deku made her brow twitch, her shoulders shake, and she was pretty sure sap was coming out of her palms from how hard she was gripping them. A few moments passed and she collected herself, her face looking angrier than usual - a difficult feat. She took out her bow and followed the pair inside the dungeon. She had a task to complete, and there was no way she was going to let two doofuses take what was rightfully hers.

She made sure to walk a few feet behind the pair in front of her, as glares that could make a child cry often work best if performed from a distance. A sudden spark of movement stopped her trek through the hallway and she raised her bow. She squinted at the Keese that darted around in the air and she released her arrow on instinct, not caring that its trajectory was dangerously (dangerously) close to Guy's head. The arrow struck the Keese down and Wiki felt a wave of relief wash over her. Somehow, seeing its twitching body on the ground was quite cathartic.

That's what I get for letting my eye wander for even a second, I guess, Guy mused. He had jumped at the twang of an arrow, but had come so close to death so many times by now he barely cared that she was only threatening to murder him and not actually murdering him. She was probably trying to provoke him into attacking her, so she could feel more justified in trying to outright kill him. That seemed very much the sort of thing she would do, anyway.

The sight of Wiki lustfully staring at the corpse of a Keese gave Guy an idea. With a flick of his wrist and a quick little chant, he sprang a new Keese into his open palm. It was the only summoning spell he could consistently cast, but, it was the only one he cared to need. "Scout the room," he whispered to it, before sending the little beastie off into the darkness. Indeed, he couldn't make out anything in here... how cruel to love the shadows so much, yet be the one sibling who couldn't see in them.

He looked to Wiki inquisitively, "...Don't suppose you can see in the dark?" That would be his luck. She could stab him in some pitch-black corner and he wouldn't even be able to see it coming.

"Buzz?" Buzzari glanced around, idly. He knew better than to go flying off into some dark, evil place by himself--and so stuck to Guy's shoulder for the time beeing.

Wiki watched the summoned Keese fly off into the darkness. Well, that was new. It had been awhile since she had seen the man and logic dictates that people improve their skills with time. It was just.. odd to see him using magic. She followed the bat around with her eyes, watching it dart from wall to wall, presumably looking for enemies that weren't there. All she saw were a bunch of creepy paintings.

And no doors.

"You can't?" Wiki mocked, a small laugh escaping her. "What a shame. Good to know that the leaves match the eyes." She entered the dark room, examining each painting separately, looking for differences in the faces that could tip her off to solving whatever dumb puzzle whoever made this place cooked up. The faces unnerved her and sent a shiver down her spine, but she chose to ignore the feeling.

"Nothing alive, if you're worried about that," she said, moving towards the unlit torch in the room. She had no matches. With a sigh, she pointed towards the ground and a moment later launched another spiral of flames appeared. Luckily, this torch was bolted to the ground, and when Wiki broke her concentration the flames burned brightly and upright in their proper place.

"We're talking about eyes? Please, you can't even spit a Deku Nut," Guy scoffed, "Or have you managed to finally learn the most basic of abilities?" As far as he could discern, she never had done so. How weird. It was like a Hylian being unable to be greasy and obnoxious.

"Wish I could do that! Buzz!" Fiddling with his Stinger spear, Buzzari looked between the two Deku Scrubs enviously. "It's okay, though. I'm happy to just bee my bee-self."

Guy had ample opportunity to follow up, "Wow, you managed to not destroy the torch this time." He quietly wondered if she was going to shoot him again. Probably. He watched her, just in case. It was faster to throw a knife than shoot an arrow, if it came to that. In any case, the light now gave him a clear view of a bunch of... creepy men in creepy portraits... and creepy landscapes.

"The decor... seems to have changed since I was here last." The Keese fluttered down onto his outstretched arm, hanging from his fingertips. "If I remember right, we can pass through at least one of these as if it wasn't even there... I don't suppose those amazing eyes of yours can see through illusions?"

"Oh please, like regurgitating a seed out from your mouth is really something to brag about," she said, crossing her arms. As if she was going to feel bad about a skill only frequently used by Mad Scrubs and Dekus who were incapable of anything else. She glanced at the Minish. Every word out of its mouth was like a nail grinding against her bark. Intolerable.

"Shut it," she growled in response to the torch comment. What a little instigating piece of shit. No wonder she had blocked him out of her memory.

Wiki wondered if the catacombs were being maintained by someone or some magical force had changed the decor, but either way it meant that the two of them were on even in terms of not knowing the lay of the dungeon. Wiki realized her luck, figuring that the other Deku couldn't surprise her by pushing her into some random room he knew would lock behind her and leaving her for dead. There was that at least.

"No, but my amazing hands can," she said, wiggling her fingers around before she began walking around the room, placing her hands on the paintings as she did so. After unsuccessfully fumbling around with a few paintings, she stopped and turned to stare at the other Deku. She wasn't going to be made a fool of. If this was just him pulling some sort of sick prank on her to see how gullible she was, he had another thing coming.

Guy had already taken to absent-mindedly flinging the Keese into one painting after another, only to see it catch itself on the wall and spring back. From his shoulder came a little voice, "I would sure feel bad if he wasp to ruin the paint job. Buzz." Guy could have explained that he didn't really mind ruining the paint on murderous paintings in a villainous dungeon which itself would probably come to life at some point and try to kill them. Alas, it was a chore explaining anything to Buzzari... How the kid understood the magic in Hover Boots was beyond him.

The Deku jumped slightly as he felt Wiki glaring at him, "What." His eyes narrowed, "...Please Din, tell me you are not checking me out. I think I would regurgitate seeds out of my mouth." He glared back at the painting again, "And use them as an instinctive weapon to distract and defeat my adversaries."

He was almost surprised when the Keese actually floated through one of the painting, leaving the faintest of ripples running across its surface. It seemed to be a portrait of a husky old Hylian geezer... but as Guy drew closer, the man's face contorted into that of a Stalfos. He was tempted to shove Wiki inside... but she probably would have said "ladies' first" and insisted he go through instead.

Meanwhile, Buzzari piped up, "Would it bee a concern that your pet has yet to return?"

Guy's eyes narrowed, "You rhymed on purp--"

"Buzz!" The Minish pointed fervently at the door, "Shall we go in, madam?" His tiny beady eyes glanced over to Wiki, smiling earnestly as always.

Wiki felt bile rising in the pit of her stomach as her face contorted as much as it possibly could. She began to sputter out gagging noises before dramatically falling onto her knees, clutching at her stomach. She reached out towards the other Deku, as if desperately asking for assistance. She began to hyperventilate, dropping the hand she was using to reach out to Guy and using both of her hands to balance herself on the ground. She stared at the floor below.

"I ... " Wiki sputtered, "I can't go on. Your comment was... just... too... too..." She sniffed, huffing and puffing as if she had just had a large bout of crying. Suddenly, she looked up at Guy, her expression bored and lifeless "Stupid."

She quickly got up and brushed off her cloak, walking towards the painting. She was getting real tired of these rhymes and puns. Wiki wondered why the two of them were even traveling together, the Deku seemed like more of a stiff than her. Wiki put her finger onto her snout. No way was she going first.

"After you," She said sweetly.

Wiki's response was so predictable he wasn't even sure why he bothered to watch through her little performance. Buzzari, at least, seemed impressed with her acting skills, as he exclaimed, "Unbelievable~!"

Guy's eyes rolled. "Let's just get this over with so you can fix my damn Hover Boots." Without much consequence, he took his hilt in hand and advanced into the next room, with Buzzari floating a few inches behind him. There came a desperate, awful, terrifying SHREIK of utter horror...

...and a second later, Guy stumbled back out of the painting with a ReDead humping him and trying to take a chomp out of his wooden skull. "GET. IT. OFF."

Buzzari was desperately stabbing at it with his electrified little spear--"My stings have no effect!"--to seemingly no avail.

"Oh for the love of -- " Wiki raised her bow. "Stop moving!" She closed one eye and attempted to aim, but she was pretty sure that shooting at the Redead was too risky, as she would probably end up hitting Guy instead.

She shrugged and fired anyways.

With an arrow now sticking out of its shoulder, the Redead continued to claw at the other Deku's head. Wiki rushed the thing, kicking it in an attempt to get it off of him. Of course, that did nothing to stop the horny hungry Redead. Wiki took another arrow out of her Quiver, backed up, and then dashed at the Redead before leaping onto it, using her body to knock it (and Guy by extension) to the ground. She stabbed the Redead in the back of the neck towards its brain with her arrow, making sure to dig it around and scramble whatever matter was left over in there before breaking it off. She got off the dogpile when she was sure that it was dead. Redead. Whatever.

She rolled the corpse off of the other Deku and offered her hand out to help him up. It was the least she could do since you know, tackling him forcefully and probably pinning him painfully under the Redead. Oops.

Guy sputtered, shuddering with disgust as he brushed bits of Redead brain off his precious scarf. He was reluctant to put his hand in Wiki's for any reason, but, she did just help kill that thing... so he accepted her help up. He wasn't about to thank her, though. She would gloat way too much, and probably wouldn't let him live it down until they parted ways.

"As if the painting screen wasn't enough, that thing was hiding in a pot." He glared at the visage of the old Stalfos. "Who puts a redead in a pot?

Buzzari was over stabbing the Redead, making doubly sure it was dead. "Buzz... They don't seem to bee that smart."

"...But that hallway was filled with pots. Dozens." He shrugged, "Maybe a hundred. Before the thing tried to mate with me, though, I'm pretty sure I caught the glimpse of something rectangular... maybe a door, maybe a painting... at the far side." Something resembling the faintest of grins spread across his face, "So. Your turn."

Luckily, Wiki knows no such spells that allow her to burst people into flames by touch. What a pity.

"The same person who redecorates a tomb," Wiki offered, shrugging. Who does put Redeads in pots? Whoever thought of that was sick. Sick and a genius, but sick. Wiki looked down at her cloak and noticed some small matter of brain and flicked it off. She shivered when she touched it. She had been in this dungeon for a short amount of time and she was already completely sick of it.

She rolled her eyes and went through the painting, half expecting to meet an empty hallway in an attempt for Guy to psych her out. No such luck - pots littered the floor along with pieces of a few broken ones. She rolled her eyes and pointed her finger at the floor, a tower of flames once again rising suddenly from the ground. She smelt the familiar smell of burning flesh and a pleased expression spread across her face.

"Come on," she turned around and spoke through the painting. She didn't notice the Redead slowly rising out of a pot and begin to stumble towards her as she continued to talk. "If you're insisting on tag along stop being an infant an--" The Redead let out a horrifying shriek and Wiki found herself unable to move. Wiki sighed internally. Typical.

A slight chuckle came out of Guy's mouth, glad it was focused on her instead of him. He scuffled onto the wall and then the ceiling, well out of the freak's reach. The Redead was inches from its frozen prey before Guy dramatically dropped down with both feet smashing into its scalp. The sinewy zombie crumpled to the ground, as Guy himself stumbled awkwardly off its corpse. Just to make sure it was dead, he slid his sword across its neck, ensuring a grotesquely deep cut. Redeads probably didn't need to breathe, but he assumed they at least needed their heads.

Grabbing a bit of his scarf, he began to rub the blade clean. "I suppose that fellow would've been more your type. Sorry for interrupting."

The floating bee was eyeing down the numerous jars down the corridor, hovering a short distance ahead. "Maybee... If we just had something that could roll or crash through them all... Bzz."

Indeed, it did seem like a tedious task to go through them all steadily like this. Guy began to scuffle up the wall towards the ceiling once more, with Buzzari floating alongside him. "Of course, if we could all just walk on the ceiling, getting to the other side would be easy..." He glanced across several of the pots, noting that they all had an open lid. "It's actually pretty easy to tell which of these are, uh, occupied... from up here."

Kinesthesis returned to Wiki just in time for her to whip her head towards and glare at Guy in response to his comment. Her rational mind knew that without his help she probably would have a Redead mauling her face, but it was more than easy for pride to interrupt those thoughts.

"You're right, it was love at first sight. In fact, I expect immediate compensation for the emotional turmoil you have put me through," she said, clutching at her heart and wiping invisible tears with her other hand.

As much as she didn't want to admit it, Guy was right. This entire situation would be a lot easier if she was able to walk upside down. She looked down at her hands and spat in them, rubbing them together before jumping onto the wall herself. With great effort she scaled it, climbing up as far as she could to get a similar vantage point. When her arms began to shake uncontrollably from the strain, she jumped down and pointed her finger at a pot she had seen a body in. A few moments later a familiar pillar of fire appeared and Wiki's eyes flashed as she reveled in her success.

"... How many are left?" she grumbled up at Guy. Not being the primary source of this sort of information was grinding her gears more than she wished to admit.

Guy's eyes rolled at her comment. He'd been suffering 'emotional turmoil' ever since she reared her head in this place. Where was his compensation? His arms crossed with one part impatience, and two parts boredom.

As he stuck seemingly effortlessly to the ceiling, his hair dangled down in her direction. "That was almost impressive." With a disinterested gesture, he pointed out one of the pots, "Anyway, there's at least... four."

"I could be convinced to just carry you to the other side, you know." In truth, he just didn't want to waste half an hour smelling the unmistakble aroma of freshly-roasted redeads. He was partially wondering why he hadn't just gone ahead without her.