Flesh + Wood + Shadow = PROFIT!

With wind whipping across the desert, Guy struggled to hold onto the roll of parchment. Two weeks prior, a certain man by the name of Julius insisted they meet here. While Guy had trekked through the deserts of Tantari numerous times before, he had never seen this immense temple hidden among the dunes... Despite the vastness of this barren landscape, it seemed impossible to miss. There was still some doubt this was all a ruse. From what he had gathered of the Hylian's personality--and hopefully Guy was not a terrible judge of character after spending half a day fighting alongside him--he did not seem the sort to play such an elaborate trick. No, the most likely scenario was that he was here for a reason.

His hands moved behind his head, securing his scarf tighter around his face. The last thing he needed was sand in his snout. His eyes squinted through the soaring debris--it might evolve into a full-fledged sandstorm soon, or so he feared. His eyes could see decently in these conditions, but he knew a Hylian's would be far more fragile. Julius didn't seem to be thwarted as easily as most Hylians, though.

Guy glanced over his shoulder, seeing what was--or at least appeared to be--a Gerudo maiden, garbed both in a beautiful green, ankle-length gown, and a pointed witch's hat. She was poking her head out around a corner of the temple, safe from most of the sand and wind. Her lashes batted cutely in Guy's direction. A slight smile spread across her face, and she did a slight curtsy...

A groan slipped out of Guy's mouth. He shouted over the wind, "Gerudo don't wear skirts!"

In a sudden poof of smoke, the Gerudo became a floating Poe. Her shrill voice screamed back at him, "Some do! Jeez!" Her glowing eyes glared, "Maybe I was raised by Hylians or something!" She hissed at Guy, annoyed only moreso as he turned away from her, ignoring her dilemma. Alice had nearly mastered the art of making herself look alive, but... legs were always difficult. Perhaps the jackass was right, though. If she was going to use a dress to disguise her legs--or lack thereof--a Hylian might be more convincing. Or perhaps a Kokiri? Why couldn't Gorons wear gowns... or Darknuts! She began to consider disguising herself as various different races, quickly losing herself in thought.

Alice retreated back into the safer area of the temple. Her precious caravan had to be left at an outpost several miles back, when the weather was turning foul. If that stable boy so much as touched her bottled Dodongo mucus... "Grah!" She hollered, shrilly.

Guy rubbed his temple, getting quickly frustrated with that eerie, horrid noise Alice called a voice. Julius had called on him to bring someone 'interesting'... Of all the people he knew, why for the love of Farore was Alice the only one who was both willing and able on such short notice. (Other than Buzzari. He wasp in no mood to tolerate Buzzari.) He actually almost wished Sienna was here--but she was probably over at Lon Lon ranch maiming cattle, or something.

"Alice," his voice came over the winds, before trailing off. He didn't want to have an entire conversation by yelling. His eyes quickly darted back towards an alcove that would take them inside--he beckoned Julius and Alice inside with a gesture.

...

Once inside the stone structure, the howling winds were considerably muffled. They had come in through what seemed to be a side entrance, as they were in a relatively small room only seven or eight across, filled with barrels which--presumably--contained some of the most stagnant water in all of Hyrule. One door sat on the far wall, which would no doubt lead them deeper.

Guy pulled the scarf off his snout, letting out a gasp. He hoped the air would be fresh--or at least not filled with sand--but no, it was atrocious. He should've known better, really. Although he wasn't entirely sure, he began to wonder, "This is the Arbiter's Grounds, isn't it?" He directed at Julius, as the man's parchment didn't have writing--or at least, not legible writing.

Alice interjected abruptly, "You." She raised one eyebrow, smirking mischievously, "How's that Lens treating you?" In truth, it was the first sale she had made in weeks, but no one else here needed to know that.

Guy glanced between the two, surprised, "Oh." He assumed they knew each other, somehow. "I hope she qualifies as 'someone interesting.' It's not often you find a friendl--...a sociab--... an intelligent Poe." He smirked slightly, hesitating to add, 'I would know. I used to be one.' Such tales were perhaps best saved for another time.

"I assumed you were interested in Sienna, but I was unable to track her down." He proceeded to explain rumors of her imprisonment in Nabooru and the inevitable jailbreak, and how she was likely laying low. Waving that off as if it was something she did every week, he got back to the matter at hand, "More importantly, why are we here, exactly? Have you done anything with that nectar we found in the city?"

"I read about that stuff--" Alice's sharp voice interjected, "--Loco Nectar, which can supposedly be used to create steady amounts of force over long periods of time. A highly effective, magical fuel." The travel time it took to reach this place had given her ample time to interrogate Guy about it. She mostly just wanted to see Julius just as impressed as Guy had been.

Alice's eyes narrowed slightly. Not only did he not seem very impressed of her knowledge, but he was rambling about the nectar's other properties. It was annoying. She knew most of what he was talking about, and was just as perplexed at Guy's sponge-thing as this Julius fellow seemed to be. Like everything related to this, it was found in some abandoned ruins that belonged to ancient Hyrule. That much, she knew. This all was ancient technology, which she surmised was why Julius and Guy were interested in a place like this. It was ancient, but... she doubted it would have much interesting technology--at least nothing compared to the flying, ancient city she heard about.

Like. Seriously. Who the fuck goes to a flying, ancient city? That is not in a normal day's work. She'd have to check it out for herself, somehow.... somehow... If only flying was as easy as a Rito made it seem. She was more than a bit annoyed that these two had beaten her to the punch.

Bottling it up, she stomped after Julius into the next room--only to realize she had no feet, and thus could not stomp--which of course only angered her more. A fanged scowl spread across her face. Anger made her malicious. Being malicious in a dungeon was, arguably, a good thing for her... so long as stuff Darknuts and Eyegores didn't show up.

...

Guy glanced at her, idly, then glanced away. He let out a slight sigh. Why was it that all of his companions were either useless in actual combat, or had extreme anger issues? Hopefully Alice wouldn't be both.

"I remember my dad talking about this place," Guy grumbled, glancing around the open chamber. "Strangely enough, he was a Deku Scrub who lived in the desert." He shrugged a bit, rubbing his neck, "If half the tales he told were true, I'm sure there's a thousand tortured souls still haunting this place, eager to lash out."

He grinned, looking at Alice again, "I'm sure you could relate."

She hissed at him, fangs bore, "Be grateful."

Alice floated further into the room. There were many doors--some high and out of reach, some low--and a myriad of sand mixed with crumbling tile. It seemed like any one of these could've been lethal quicksand--not that it mattered for her, personally. As her eyes wandered about, seeking something small and weak for her to vent her annoyance on, she noticed the sand shifting in one spot.

Quicksand? No. There came a little squeaking noise, like a rodent, and she could see tiny footprints darting across the sand towards her. Yet, what was making the footsteps was unseen. Letting out a shrill shreik--was that some attempt at a battle cry, or was she scared of rats, Guy couldn't tell--she whipped out a hatchet from her robe. Her long, sinewy arm swung in a high arc, crashing down into the spot where the footsteps ended.

...The squeaking was no more. She pulled her blade out from an invisible corpse, seeing it drip black blood. Alice sighed happily, grinning.

However, there came a sudden rumbling throughout the chamber, before a horrid symphony of squeaks exploded from beneath the ground. Every patch of sand stirred wildly, squeaks echoing everywhere as countless tiny footprints darted across the sand.

Julius was right to not worry about Guy's safety. The crafty Scrub had quickly skittered onto the ceiling as soon as the torrent of rats had broken into the room. Although he wanted to help Julius, from this vantage point he could do little more than throw knives--which would hardly be helpful. It was annoying, really--he used to have an arsenal of weaponry which could blow out a clear path through these vermin, from bombs to magical canes. He even had a Lens of Truth, once. Maybe he would find something like that again in this dungeon, he wondered, or... at least he could hope to buy something from Alice, afterward.

Alice cackled quietly to herself, watching the Hylian scurry past the rats she herself summoned. It was an accident, sure, but she preferred to think his panicked dancing was her doing. Julius burst into the next room, shortly followed by Guy, and an Alice who was hovering to safety. A heavy door shut behind them, sealing the rats away, Even Alice gasped at the sight of the Poes--or rather, how brutally tortured they must have been. A shiver ran up her spine. Even her undeath wasn't half as bad as theirs. She was... reluctant, to say the least, to engage them as readily as this Julius fellow did. She quietly scurried back a bit, and abruptly vanished, silently, hoping the others wouldn't notice. It was difficult to argue against these fellows killing Poes--it would not doubt put them out of their misery--but she couldn't bring herself to join them, even so.

Guy hissed quietly, annoyed, as the creature vanished. He whipped out his Mirror Shield, bracing it tightly in his chest, an holding throwing knife tightly in his free hand. He figured Julius was smart enough to let him know the play-by-play, but reminded him anyway, "You're the only one who can see it--unless you feel like handing over your lifeline. I can see in the dark, after all." In truth, it was difficult for Guy to tell how dark was too dark for Hylians, but he couldn't see much light filling this room. In the meantime, there was little Guy himself could do other than wait for it to appear again...


(Sorry if post is garbage. Wasn't really sure what to do against a TP-style Poe. :U)

With a dramatic leap, Guy launched up to catch the Lens, before landing smoothly on the ground--so smoothly his Hover Boots ended up sliding across the sand, in the general direction of Julius and this tortured soul. Could the man's Hylian eyes truly not see in this amount of light? No, the Lantern, he could do as much as Guy could without the lens--and strike at the lantern.

He clutched the Lens' handle in his shield arm, concentrating for a moment. The Poe poofed as Julius neared it for a second time--invisible to him, but not even transparent to Guy. Coincidentally, he also saw Alice fidgeting in a corner--staring at the sand with wide eyes--but Guy tried not to become distracted.

His body abruptly flashed a dim yellow, before rocketing upward at a low angle right towards the Poe. He wanted his thrusting blade to reach right into its core, but his target had better reaction than he expected--sliding just barely to one side, giving Guy only enough room for an inch-dip cut across its ribs. That, or whatever a Poe had in place of ribs.

The monster screeched horridly, and was suddenly visible, one sinewy arm clutching its side. Its recoil had sent the beast back-first towards Julius--a very poor position to have, in Guy's experience.

Alice's voice came abruptly screeching out from some invisible corner, "Jeez! Stalkin!!" The inflection in her screching voice seemed to imply Guy and Julius were both idiots for not noticing them already. Her body reappeared abruptly, hand diving into her cloak before whipping out a handful of pellets. "B-button," she mumbled under-breath, fidgeting with the little spheres, trying to activate them. In a moment, she flung a fistful behind where Guy and Julius were standing. A moment after landing, each pellet exploded, out-of-sync with the others, in a bright flash and a bang. It wasn't much of an explosion, but the Mini Bombs tore into the tiny, fragile, and slow skeletons. It was enough force to crunch out a third of the crowd that was ascending towards Guy and Julius.

Alice glared silently at Julius, fangs clenched. If it wasn't for her, she thought he could have a tiny pike sticking out of his calf right now. The fool hadn't even noticed them. Even Guy at least gave her a nod, even if not actually saying anything at all almost made him as much of a jerk in her eyes.

Guy was about to respond when the Lens was almost snatched out of his hand but a Poe--namely Alice. She glared at him, as if he had committed some save indecency against her. He shrugged, callously, and tossed her the lens--assuming that's what she wanted.

As Alice began investigating the room, mumbling something furiously to herself, Guy glanced at Julius. "Just as it disappeared, I did notice a wispy trail heading off in that direction." Guy's wooden finger extended towards a corner of the room, where the stone wall met the sand floor. "I wasn't sure if I needed the Lens to see it or not, but it seemed like the Poe--or rather, part of it--was heading right through that crevice..."

He shrugged, indifferently, "We could try blasting through the wall, or burrowing underneath it. We could also try going back through the previous room--but that's more a problem for you than either of us." His head moved towards Alice, who was now tapping on the wall Guy had pointed out.

Alice abruptly scurried over to Julius. Her face drew level with his, getting close--a bit closer than was socially acceptable, "Go back through the other room." She giggled, cutely and grotesquely at the same time, "Squirm for me, Hylian.~"

Alice cackled at him, grinning, "I aspire to be skilled, not popular. Not profitable." She followed him, feeling pleasant knowing that her presence was probably ruffling his proverbial feathers. It was true, though. She wasn't in the business to make a profit. Being undead has its tendencies to make one indifferent to most forms of material gain, much less the need for food, drink, or lodging--or at least, that had been Alice's experience.

As if she was practicing on how to haunt someone, Alice floated a short distance behind Julius through the chamber of rats and into the next room. A soft, hissing cackle seeped between her fangs every time he made a misstep--and almost busted out laughing when the blade tore into him. Even so, she wasn't terribly impressed with the three walking corpses stumbling towards Julius. Maybe it's because she had an effortless time floating above every single trap that had come their way. Even if she enjoyed Julius' annoyance with her, she didn't exactly want him to die her. Her sinewy arm dug into her robes, producing a couple Mini Bombs and flinging them at the mysterious bodies--poofing with small, but sharp explosions that sent them recoiling backward. It wasn't much, but it let the Hylian panic a bit less as he moved towards the other side.

"There wasn't a need to rush, man, jeez," came a voice from above. Guy was scurrying along the ceiling, as usual, making it to the other side. He swore the other two had almost forgotten about him. It wasn't as easy moving along the ceiling--he couldn't exactly run for it like the others could. Still, he managed to catch up in time to drop into the room's center, from where the blade originated. After landing, he shot and sprinted off the center of the wheel of death. His Hover Boots saw him glide over the blades just long enough for him to land on one of the bodies with a kick to the back of its head, getting just enough leverage for his boots to kick in again, and for him to hover-sprint to the far edge of the room. As his boots gave out, he rolled and tumbled into the corridor ahead. Julius was a moment behind him, with Alice in tow.

From this vantage point, he observed the bodies more closely. He had expected them to be poes or animated corpses, but they seemed to be instead some kind of bizarre Stalfos, then bones strangely smothered with black smudge, as if they had been charred somehow. Guy was unsure if he wanted to know how or why that occurred.

The corridor ahead was six feet wide. With a quick glance, Guy observed--or guessed, really--that it was filled with sand, tile, spikes, and the fine decor of a musty millenium-old tomb, but no monsters. The Stalfos were approaching more quickly know, apparently in reaction to the fact their would-be victims had already escaped the trap. Three decent warriors against two better warriors--and Alice. As long as Alice didn't fuck with them, Guy thought, this might be an even fight. He didn't like even fights.

"Cover your eyes!" Hopefully these things had been dead long enough that didn't understand modern Hyrulean. Guy spat forth a Deku Nut into the sand before him, detonating a blinding blast which hopefully stunned at least one of the monsters--leaving Julius an opening to strike, and Guy room to follow up with an attack of his own.

Leave it to a Hylian to take a deadly enemy, and make it a flaming deadly enemy. He wasn't in the mood to become firewood anytime soon, but was relieved when at least Julius could take credit for his own error.

Guy shifted towards the opposite side of the corridor, slipping under a greataxe that hurled down towards him--glancing it off his angled shield, leaving it to smash uselessly into the tile floor below. Guy's entire body spun around with a quick motion. Although not a proper spin attack, the momentum carried into his blade as it struck the axe-wielding arm with a ferocious CRACK. Guy jumped back abruptly, shocked that nothing seem to had broken. Not only that, but the damn monster was lifting up its gigantic axe for another swing. Shit. That axe was big enough to cleave Guy's entire body in half; he began to wonder if taking the flaming one would have been the better choice.

Just before it swung, Guy's body flashed gold--his body recklessly shot up right into the creature's ribcage with a full-body, shield-first tackle. Guy stumbled backwards from the blow--but so did the monster. Just as it did so, Alice came up out of nowhere, and--Wait, what?!--Alice took one of the giant vases from the previous room, and dropped it over the Stalfos' head, trapping its arms to its sides. Only now did Guy notice she had already given the third Stalfos the same treatment.

"Stop goofing off!" She shouted shrilly, eyes flaring at Guy. "I'm out of vases." She snarled at the flaming Stalfos, backing away before launching another Mini-Bomb at it. It flinched, but again seemed almost invincible to attack. "Julius!" Her voice hissed, shouting at him the way a mother would to an insolent child. "You can play with your friend later! Let's get out of here!"

Her body abruptly flew down the corridor. Guy scratched his head, a bit confused, but scurried after her. After a couple dozen feet of sand and tiles, he felt his boots abruptly hover over a small pit--filled with spikes. Assuming Alice had had no problem with it, he called back to Julius, "Make sure to jump this pit!" Maybe the three Stalfos would fall in; hopefully they were that stupid, but probably not.

"Splinter Crystal, huh?" Guy explained that although he had heard of the material, he had never actually used it. "I was thinking, maybe, having some with Light Gems... and others with some other kind of gems." Although he wasn't keen on using Fire Gems without a Goron Tunic, he began to think it was about time he started playing with flames again. He didn't in the least bit enjoy having to cower every time someone or something so much as mentioned fire.

Alice abruptly butted in, "You know I have plenty of materials for sale, right~?" She smirked, the sort of fanged smirk she had that made Guy feel like she was going to bargain for his soul. It reminded him of Gustav, somehow, in the worst possible way. He was relieved when they came across the chest, eager to change the subject.

...

Guy's shield-hand snatched the Lens as it came towards him. The man seemed to be oddly generous with this thing, though Guy wasn't complaining. Holding it tightly, the second Poe came into view high in the air. It cackled at him, wildly, apparently not even realizing that it had become visible to its assailant.

Charging across the chamber, Guy managed to get himself directly beneath where the Poe dwelled. After performing an acrobatic back-flip, Guy abruptly propelled high into the air. He aimed to smash the edge of his boots into its face, but didn't expect it to abruptly shift out of the way. Guy's legs stretched, just barely getting a solid enough grip on the ceiling to lock himself onto it. By the time he had braced himself, the Poe was already launching towards him lamp-first.

Guy growled softly, pushing the lamp away with his shield. His sword-hand launched towards it as a counterattack, only to miss nothing but air. He growled in annoyance, eyes narrowing. Fighting upside-down was hardly his forte. Not only was it disorienting, but he could never take his second foot off the ground--err, off the ceiling. All the while, that damn Poe--eyes sewn shut, lips in knots--cackled at him. How could it possibly be remotely happy in such a state? He carefully traded a few more blows off his shield, seeking to make a counter-strike but never reaching it. This damn Poe's arms were too long, and Guy couldn't close the gap without jumping. After taking one more blow, Guy's shoulder began to strain--and he almost dropped the Lens. Grimacing, his sword smoothly sheathed into his hip, before he whipped out a hatchet. Lifting his arm, he threw it with all his might, and the Poe weaved to the left--always the left, as Guy had quickly learned. It didn't even see him propel like a bullet out of a cannon, crashing into it with his open hand, grasping on the cloth.

Guy and the Poe both came tumbling towards the ground, wrestling frantically, until Guy just barely managed to clutch down the creature's left arm--the one that held its lantern. The free arm scrambled desperately at the wooden assailant now standing atop it--but not before Guy's blade whipped out, stabbing firmly into the creature's neck. Its body exploded forth, an eerie mist shooting from every orifice. Wasting no time, "Julius!"--eye contact was made, and the Lens was thrown.

Guy breathed hard as he struggled back onto his feet. He felt thin beads of sap rolling off his back. He didn't expect that thing to have such sharp claws--but Alice did, so he supposed it made sense. Speaking of which, where was she? Invisible somewhere again?

Yes, in fact. Alice had recovered the hatchet Guy had thrown, and stood poised with it high above her head, waiting for the exact moment the last Poe became visible and Julius was out of the way. The look of disgust on her face made it obvious she didn't want to attack it, but, she would if necessary...

"Knife for you, sword for me," Guy shrugged. He had called it both so many times that neither title seemed to fit quite right. His eyes examined the razor edge of his blade--a few nicks, but he could sharpen those out himself. He quite liked its recent design--simple, practical, effective--but it did lack any extraordinary powers. "I want to see what you do with knives, first," he smiled, faintly, "This blade, or a version of it, has been my best friend longer than most Hylians have been alive..."

Alice was already examining the first Poe--or what was left of it--when the other two started talking about swords, or whatever. Boys. So obsessed with swords--she guessed it had something to do with their dicks. Anyway, there was something abnormal about this cloth--or rather, some of the patches on it. It seemed like some kind of hide--but not like any she had ever seen. Maybe from a rare or extinct monster? Taking out a pair of scissors, she began to carefully cut out a piece... when a bunch of sand just decided to pour into the room. She hissed in annoyance, almost cutting her finger. She shoved the scissors back onto her cloak, and raced over to the others, carrying the Poe's tattered gray robe.

With a hiss, she grabbed Guy's pouch and abruptly shoved it inside. "Just shut up and hold onto it for me," she snarled. Guy sighed. Hopefully he wouldn't need to pull something else out of there and accidentally pull out a ghost's undergarment instead. By the time she was done molesting his bag, Guy moved to help Julius open the door--only to see him already take care of it. His face twisted slightly, but he didn't mind too much--Julius was definitely stronger than him, anyway. He bet Sienna would win an arm wrestling match, though...

...

Guy smirked--or at least as much as a Deku Scrub could smirk. "Speaking of weapons, you should consider some Glow Iron." Even Alice had mostly kept her lantern dimmed throughout all this--he supposed she carried it inside her cloak, or something. Truly, he thought how unsettling it must be to just have your vision robbed from you so easily. He supposed Hylians probably thought the same way about Deku Scrubs catching flame or drowning...

The pillars didn't seem much like pillars at all... One was a wooden bed, lined with spikes, stood up to be vertical. Shackles dangled from either end. He remembered seeing this before, somewhere... The victim was to be strapped onto it, and--if he remembered right--the victim had to stand on their toes for as long as possible, to keep their heels from falling onto the lever that pushed the spikes into their back. A shudder ran down his spine as he remembered where had seen this before. Sienna's bedroom. 'It works best if the spikes go between your ribs,' she had said.

His hand shot to his forehead, smearing over his face. He didn't spend much time growing up with his sister... or maybe he did, but had just blocked out most of it... He shook his head, trying to forget about it. Hopefully the others couldn't see him losing his cool. "It's a couple torture devices," he half-mumbled. Gliding forward a few feet, he commented, "Tile floor. There's a lot of... implements... along the wall." Most of them seemed rusted or broken--although Sienna might say that made them even more useful. Another chill ran down his backside.

"A-anyway, there must be another secret exit here somewhere... They probably didn't want the victims thinking there was an easy way out." He gripped the lens, then released it, "I don't see any illusions here..."

As he took another step forward, he felt his weight trigger a switch in the floor--and he instinctively hopped back--a mechanical whirring filled the room. "It's coming from the walls!" Alice screeched, soaring away from the entrance, as a few Blade Traps jutted out and began to spin wildly around the exterior of the room.