Finding the Lost

Discussion in 'Completed RPs' started by Knight_of_G, Nov 30, 2013.

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  1. Knight_of_G

    Knight_of_G Member reg

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    "I said, who goes there?!" came a shout from the front. A sussurus of whispers erupted from the refugees ranging from fear to confusion to despair.

    Jacob, Alaine gritted her teeth. Was he always this much of an idiot, or am I just having a wonderful day? The mercenary limped back around to the front of the group and towards the fools in the road, shouting back, "Your boss and the people we missed at first. Now get out of the way, and bring Torvald to me. I'm hurt."

    Jacob had the decency at least to look embarrassed that he was so thick-witted, and turned and ran to get the company healer. Soon after, Toby put up the arrow he'd nocked, and Aoife and Naoise's swords were back in the sheaths that hung at their waists. "Toby, help me walk," Alaine ordered. "My leg's been strained and poisoned with acid."

    "Aye, boss," Toby said, shouldering his bow before putting Alaine's arm around his shoulder.

    "Aoife, tell the others I'm here. Naoise, where is Terris?"

    As the first of the identical sisters ran to do her job, the other fell into step with her brother and said, "She's with James on lookout duty. They're on the walls, I think."

    "Get her. I think I've got someone I want her to meet. Bring James if you have to," Alaine ordered again. Naoise nodded and scampered off into the town. "Those two are going to be faster than I am one day," Alaine muttered, leaning into Toby.

    "They've always been faster to react and at running than I am," Toby agreed. "I could always see better than them, though."

    "Why is it that worries me?" the red-haired mercenary asked him, eye peering sideways at him.

    "Uh, er... I don't... ah, what... whatever do you mean, boss?" he asked, face turning crimson.

    Alaine laughed.

    #
    Later, in the infirmary...

    Alaine was situated on a bed, her pant leg torn open so that Torvald, a blonde-haired man with a stinging red handprint on his cheek, could examine it. "Gonna need to reopen it to purify the acid, I think," he told Alaine, handing her a thick strip of leather and setting down his staff to pick up a knife.

    "Son of a bitch," Alaine swore, biting the leather and gripping the edge of the bed while Jacob held her legs down.

    #
    While Alaine was screaming and swearing from the surgery and the green man in a cloak was reunited with his family while speaking with the town burgermeister, a brown-haired man wearing mainly red and a black-haired woman cloaked in black and purple were led to the refugees that had just come in. Lilithe and Pandora stood out to them both, but to the woman in black and purple, she knew immediately who she'd been sent to meet.

    She knelt in front of Pandora holding up her finger. "Hello. I'm Terris. Want to be comrades?" she posed the question to the adolescent, holding up a finger. For a second black fire stood above the digit before vanishing.

    The man in red asked Lilithe, "You two were the ones who helped Alaine, right? You fit the description, anyway. I'm James, the spokesman of Alaine's Mercenaries and one of her two mages. This is Terris, my wife, and the other mage."
    Last edited: May 18, 2014
  2. Yuki

    Yuki New Member new

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    At 'who goes there', the cloaked girl tucked herself further into her cloak, as if trying to hide from the world. While it was the kind of question that tended to get one shot at with arrows if not answered, speech under certain kinds of stress was not her strong suit, and she'd rather take her chances with arrows than risk whatever repercussions may come if she did say who and what she was.

    The situation was resolved nonetheless, accompanying the revelation that this was Alaine's stronghold and she was the boss of a mercenary company. The cloaked girl kept quiet through the whole exchange, simply listening and mentally filing away information for later, though the mention of someone Alaine wanted her to meet did prompt her to pull the front of her cloak's hood down over her eyes. Meeting people was not her strong suit.

    A little while later, introductions happened anyway. She probably would have just mentally tuned it all out if not for the fact that the new black-haired woman, whom she very quickly learned was named Terris, knelt, putting her into the cloaked girl's field of vision even with the hood pulled over her eyes, and revealed something that felt... familiar.

    Another dark mage?

    The tiniest bit of confidence welling up, the girl tilted her head upward, the hood sliding off, then leveled her gaze with Terris, curious golden eyes watching her carefully. Mimicking the other dark mage, she raised the same finger on her own hands, producing a similar flame, but larger and somewhat less stable, to the point that she had to shake that finger aside rather suddenly a handful of seconds later to stop the flame's existence before it could burn her cloak. Another few seconds of hesitant silence, then a subdued, shy nod in response to Terris's question.

    "...okay."
  3. [v]

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    Seeing how the redhead interacted with people, Lilithe perceived that Alaine was a commander of sort in her guild. It as a bit unexpected, but not impossible. She had some reliable-looking subordinates waiting for her here, and it seemed they got everything under control. Most likely, her support seemed to be unnecessary now.

    Two people walked toward herself and the mysterious dark mage girl, leaving them no time to interact alone even if it was the best chance so far. One of them, the woman, approached the girl while the other who appeared to be male asked her a question. Lilithe looked at her they revealed each one's secret to accept each other before turning her attention to the man, James.

    "No sir," Lilithe shoot her head lightly to James in order to refuse the credit. "We've just gotten into the same terror, so we did whatever to survive, and got lucky enough to escape from death."

    Unlike being with Alaine, the dark mistress was more careful while talking with James, especially after he said something with a meaning that he was the brain of the group. The word 'spokesman' was enough of information to lead her to such assumption, not to mention that he was the magician. Also, with the deserter like Terris here, Lilithe had no choice but to be even more secretive.

    "Just to confirm, Sir James and lady Terris, you have everything here under control, correct?"
  4. Knight_of_G

    Knight_of_G Member reg

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    "...And, that's the last of it, my voluptuous employer," Torvald said with satisfaction, his staff glowing blue as her skin put itself back together. "How did you get that wound? Not looking or something?"

    "Yes, but don't you dare tell Os. You know how he gets," Alaine ordered, pointing at her company's healer as she got up and walked outside. "Step-father or no he gets too protective of me. And don't ask for another thank you kiss. You've never got one, and you won't, from me."

    "Then who should I ask for instead? Surely you know someone," the lecherous priest said, crossing his arms. The mercenary knew he would smirk in triumph, then duck her punch, so she tried a different method of shutting him up.

    Alaine rolled her eye at Torvald's words, and at her response. "How about a riddle. Guess right and you'll know:

    "Scale and steel, leather and wood,
    Following behind a lustful oaf,
    Love is true yet stays ignored,
    When he should kiss the girl and do her good.

    "Find the girl it points to, and you'll worry not for kisses and such, Torvald my friend," Alaine finished, knowing he'd have a difficult time with it. Still, he'd said no word on his own feelings for his bodyguard, but she'd thrown the dice with the riddle. "Come on. We're going be leaving soon.

    "Oh, and good luck, loverboy."

    #
    "Hmm. You're strong. Very strong," Terris said, her tone one of curiosity and admiration, her smile gentle and kind. The dark mage, while innately shy around strangers, could read them fair enough, and one look at this girl let her know, besides the fact that she was another dark mage, that there was an undercurrent of fear about this girl. "What's your name?"

    #
    "I'd say it's fairly well under control," James replied to the query. "We annihilated the Risen between here and Ashendale as we traveled, and we've been helping the Town Militia patrol while we waited for Alaine."

    "Ah, there you are Lilithe," Alaine called, and James turned around, noticing that his boss looked much better as she strode towards them. "Ah, James, glad you've met. Would you mind getting the Triplets and Jacob and bringing them here? Torvald should be getting Verana and Osney."

    "Um," the mage said, pointing to his left with a nonplussed expression. Alaine followed his finger and noticed Jacob and the triplets helping settle her new arrivals. Jacob was now deeply engaged in conversation with the town burgermeister and the green-haired swordsman, his daugher hoisted atop his shoulders.

    "Ah. Well, stick around then. I've promised Lilithe a lesson or two in swordwork," Alaine said, hiding her embarrassment behind her confident tone. "And now that my leg's been tended, I can teach you properly," she told the dark knight.
  5. Yuki

    Yuki New Member new

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    "Pandora."

    Finally, a name to attach to the cloaked young girl. Perhaps she wasn't being as cautious as might otherwise be advised, but unlike Lilithe, she was still in her early teens, with practical experience not even matching up to that. Repercussions are not something she would be able to recognize long before they happen, and even her fighting style made that much obvious.

    Besides, Terris just seemed... different than what she was used to. Someone whose demeanor was gentler and friendlier than what she had come to expect from people. Someone whose circumstances might be vaguely similar to her own, if only in the less complicated ways. Terris wouldn't be working with Alaine if she was one of them, right?

    Noticing Alaine's return, Pandora tensed up and panicked slightly, quickly pulling her cloak's hood back over her head. In absence of expressing her own emotions, perhaps what she did with her cloak may serve as a sufficient substitute. Maybe she felt comfortable enough around Terris to share a little, but Alaine was another story.

    It definitely didn't have anything to do with still resenting being carried. Nope. Not at all.
  6. [v]

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    Alaine returned before the dark mistress could warn James that he almost lost his commander because he was not there for her, and she was not brave enough to bring it up when that commander presented. She could only hope that the swordswoman will be more careful next time. Once the man left, she turned to Alaine who was talking about sword lesson.

    "I hope you didn't mean to it now, Ms.Alaine." replied Lilithe. "As much as I'd like to ask that favor, I'm already far too exhausted today. Can we make it tomorrow morning before I leave this stronghold?"

    She hoped the basis was not going to take long to listen.

    That being said, the dark mistress already decided she was going to leave the party. From the information she got from James, this place should be safe from the risen with Alaine's mercenaries guarding. The refugees would be able to use this as their safe house for a period until they can return from where they were from, that was only if they want to return at all. The Plegians, too, should be able to stay with their new neighbors. For something like this, Lilithe was not going to report to the higher up just to bully the weak.

    Everything here seemed to be set, and her presence was no necessary anymore.
  7. Knight_of_G

    Knight_of_G Member reg

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    "Oh. Alright then. Since that's the case, let's find someplace to eat!" Alaine cracked a smile just as her stomach rumbled. The mercenary clasped her hands behind her head as she turned and began wandering back down the street.

    She hoped the taverns had some good beer.

    Fin.
  8. Darth_Slaverus

    Darth_Slaverus Member vet

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    First off, allow me to apologize for the unreasonable wait in grading this RP. There was some miscommunication among the staff over who was supposed to handle it. As a result, commentary is going to be more sparse than usual, just so we can get this graded and not waste anyone's time further. As always, though, if you'd like a more in-depth discussion of your performance in this thread, feel free to contact me over AIM (Darthslaverus) or by PM.

    The plot of this RP was pretty straightforward, and I didn't notice anything that clashed with the setting, (although it was amusing watching three Plegians fight to save a Ylissean village) so let's move on to individual gradings:

    Knight of G/Alaine: +3 Levels, +2 Swords

    Alaine had a very consistent personality throughout the thread, which is always nice to see. She was gruff, but with a heart of gold underneath, and I really enjoyed the scenes involving the Plegian refugees. I'm always glad when people run threads where Plegia is humanized, given the theme's prominence in Awakening itself. I also think you did a good job as the thread runner, providing opportunities for the other PCs to shine and weaving together a cohesive plot, so congrats there.

    However, I do think that your combat posts in this RP were a little dull. Alaine tended to kill her opponents within a single sentence of encountering them, with little descriptive text beyond simply slashing them. While I have no problem with an experienced mercenary like her dispatching several Risen with ease, it's kinda boring to read Alaine kill them one-by-one so mechanically. My suggestion would be to either have her face a horde of weaker Risen all at once, or else put more detail into Alaine's blows. The Risen might be unskilled, but they're undead and seem to have supernatural endurance, if their introductory cutscene in Awakening is anything to go by.

    I also felt that the portrayal of Alaine's injuries was a bit inconsistent. One moment she was toughing it out and cracking jokes, the next she was about ready to collapse. Furthermore, having once bitten my tongue so hard it bled, I can safely say that while biting down on something can help shut out pain, you most certainly do not want to bite your tongue like that, as it is an absolutely agonizing experience.

    On a more meta level, I found Alaine's insistence that the people of Riverton wouldn't recognize the refugees as Plegian to be somewhat hollow, given that in Awakening, Frederick is able to identify a group of bandits as Plegians by their distinctive accents.

    Vice/Lilithe: +2 Levels, +1 Magic, +2 Swords

    Lilithe was my favourite character in this thread. Her allusion to "zombie novels" and her musing about how the Risen invasion would make a poor tourist attraction were hilarious, but at the same time she felt like the most level-headed and pragmatic member of the cast. I liked how she was polite to the other PCs' faces, yet secretly considered their safety secondary to her own. She also seemed fairly introspective; it was great to see Lilithe view Pandora as a younger version of herself and to see her doubt in Grima.

    I thought Lilithe had the most appropriate combat performance for her level in the thread, being the prepromote that stomps the baddies, yet without being so dominant as to take the spotlight off the other PCs. Bravo!

    Overall, you did a really good job in this thread, Vice. Lilithe promises to be a very interesting character, what with being torn between her Grimleal loyalties on one side and her conscience and open-minded worldview on the other. I really hope to see you do more with her!

    Yuki/Pandora: +3 Levels, +3 Magic

    Pandora, more than anything else, really stood out to me as a unique character. Her habit of speaking in incomplete sentences and using her magic in unexpected ways during combat really helped cement her as "different." On that note, I love the idea behind her experimental magic, and looking over her spell list, there are some awesomely creative spells in there, which I'm glad got some usage in the RP (Particularly Thanatos Armor). You have a pretty distinct narrative style, too, posing questions to the reader and being secretive about Pandora, even going so far as to conceal her gender at the beginning of the thread, which was cool to see.

    Her combat performance was slightly iffy, though. At first, I thought that between being stabbed by a lance and nearly killing herself with her own magic, she had taken more punishment than she should have, but she made up for it by promptly collapsing and not doing much else in the thread, I suppose. I also thought that her spells seemed a smidge too strong even with her focus on magical power, with both a large tornado and a dust storm up at the same time, but I've seen worse.

    Still, you've got a pretty cool character here, and I'd love to see what other spells she can conjure up in future threads.

    Supports granted:

    Alaine x Lilithe

    Really wish I could give Pandora a support somewhere, but she barely had any interaction with the other PCs beyond fighting alongside them. Better luck next time.

    And that should be all. Again, I apologize for the unacceptable delay in grading this. Darth signing off.
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